Crossroads
by mayzee
Summary: A tragic event brings Jane back into Lisbon's life in D.C. A rough start but if you keep reading it will hopefully prove worthwhile in some later fluffier chapters. Jisbon. Rated T/M for some sexy scenes. Reviews, as ever, are much appreciated. Finally complete!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay so the inital set up of my favourite couple may shock a few of you. You will probably want to stop reading this fic in fact! But I hope you give it a chance, I have a plan... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist. The wonderful Bruno Heller does. **

* * *

><p>Crossroads<p>

Chapter 1 - Choices

It had been three years, eight months and seventeen days since she had left Austin for a new life in D.C.

Three years two months and seven days since she married Marcus Pike.

Two years, four months and six days since she had bore Pike a daughter.

Two years, four months and three days since he had last seen her.

Jane clenched the steering wheel of his Prius and glanced at the sleeping form in the passenger seat beside him. His shiny wedding band glistened in the moonlight as he drove through the night.

His mind went back to that night in the Blue Bird Lodge all those years ago. _If you're really sorry then you'll leave me alone._

He smiled despite the desperation and overwhelming sadness he had felt then. He had done as she asked. For once in his life had made the unselfish choice and allowed her the chance to make a fresh start without him to screw it up. But Lisbon was Lisbon and her anger towards him that night had softened within days. He was her weakness and he knew it. She had apologised for the unkind words she had uttered to him though they both knew what she had said was the truth. He almost caved and wanted to ask her to reconsider her options, to finally tell her what had been in his heart for longer than he had even acknowledged to himself.

But he didn't. Pike could make her happy, he had seen the sparkle in her eyes when he looked at her, he was her safe choice, a man worthy of her, an honest and good man, a better man than himself. So he had accepted the apology and made one of his own for misleading her but had told her that she had made the best decision in the end. That he thought D.C. would be a great opportunity for her, a fresh start with a man capable of giving her the love she deserved. He knew she had read between the lines. That this was his way of telling her to let go of him. Let go of whatever fantasies she had imagined the two of them may fulfil after Red John was out of the picture.

But she didn't let go so easily. She had called him twice a week in the beginning, telling him about her new job and the neighbourhood they were thinking of moving to. She didn't mention Pike much and neither did he. He waited for her calls but never called her first, storing up stories for when she would contact him so he could hear her laugh. After a month the calls came once a week, after three months every two weeks. She called to ask his opinion on cases she was handling and he focused all his attention on them, still wanting to impress her with his mind after all these years. He wondered if she really needed his help. Sometimes the cases seemed almost mundane, that she could undoubtedly figure out the assailant herself but he never mentioned this, afraid his teasing on the matter would make her drop contact altogether. He wasn't ready for that. He recalled a conversation three years and four months ago. A conversation that would change their status irrevocably.

_Hey, Jane, how are you?_

_Oh you know Lisbon. Same as ever. Overworked and underpaid._

_Did I hear you let a bunch of exotic birds loose the other day?_

_They had to roam free Lisbon. It was my duty to give them their independence. I should have been given a medal for heroism, not a week without pay. I fear Cho is an even worse tyrant than you when you tried to be my boss._

_Oh, so nothing to do with the fact that the owner of the wildlife park irked you, huh? _

_Perish the thought. You think I'd be that petty?_

_Can I take the fifth on that? But you're right, it certainly was _trying_ to be your boss. _

He remembered the pause and the seriousness in her tone like it was yesterday.

_Jane, I need to tell you something. _

_Apart from the fact that Cho has always wanted to be a dictator? If so, you're too late-_

_Marcus and I have set a date._

After a brief moment to take in her words he had wished her congratulations and had picked up a slight tone of disappointment when he had done so. She covered it up with a nervous laugh, commenting on how she was bound to look like a meringue on her wedding day. He told her she would undoubtedly be beautiful and he had meant it. She'd asked him to promise he would come to the wedding and he had agreed immediately despite the tightening in his chest at the thought of seeing her marry another man. He truly was a masochist.

The invitation came a short while later. It was simple and striking and he knew she had picked them out. He remembered moving his fingers over the gold italic writing bearing her name. The ceremony was to be held in Chicago at the Church she grew up attending. Although Pike was divorced he had not been married in a Catholic Church so his previous marriage was not valid according to the Catholic faith. Jane was glad of that, a ceremony in another Church or setting would not have been what she wanted.

* * *

><p>He arrived the night before the ceremony and settled into his hotel room. The Rigsbys, Cho and his girlfriend Jenna and Minelli and his wife May were all staying in the same hotel and they met up for dinner. He could sense the others pity for him however he tried to keep conversation light, making sure to embarrass each of his current and ex co workers in turn so he didn't focus on it. He went to the bar after dinner and ordered a scotch. Minelli sat beside him and ordered a soda water.<p>

_So, you ready to walk her down the aisle, Virgil?_

_It's an honour, Patrick. She told me it was you who suggested she ask me._

_You were more of a father to her than her own, seemed like the obvious choice._

_And how are you doing with all this?_

_Couldn't be happier for her. He's a good man._

_Mmm. Think I've heard you say that about four times this evening. It's a nice speech, well rehearsed. I'm not buying it._

_Leave it Virgil._

_Just tell me. Do I have something to worry about tomorrow? Is the ceremony in danger of being interrupted?_

_You have nothing to worry about, I assure you._

_Then I have only one question, Patrick. Why the hell not?_

* * *

><p>The next morning she called him early. She was panicking and he helped her take deep breaths over the phone to calm her down, telling her it was perfectly normal to have some pre wedding jitters. She asked for him to come see her before the ceremony. She had arrived in the same hotel to get ready. He stuttered and told her that it wasn't a good idea. When she asked him why it wasn't he tried to make some joke about a superstition he had heard that it was bad luck to see a woman he had known for over a decade before her wedding. She said 'Please, Jane, it's important to me' and he acquiesced.<p>

Her niece Annie opened the door to her room, evidently expecting him. She was dressed in a robe and motioned for him to come inside. She excused herself, giving him a peck on the cheek and motioned to the bathroom.

'You decent?' He called out.

'Yeah, come on in Jane.'

'Shame' he said, opening the door with a smile.

The smile fell from his face when he saw the white gown. It was simple but not plain, showed off her curves but was still somehow demure. She was a vision and he couldn't speak or react for a moment.

'Close the door' she whispered and he finally nodded and did as she asked, his eyes still fixated on her.

'Well, I was going to ask if I looked okay but I guess I do' she smiled.

He smiled back and nodded. 'I told you that you'd be beautiful, Teresa. But I got it wrong. You're stunning.'

He grinned at the blush in her cheeks before he noticed how nervous she was, her hands continually smoothing out the fabric on the front of her dress. 'Why am I here?' he asked hoarsely.

She walked up to him and said nothing for a moment. Their eyes met and his breathing hitched. He noticed the pulse point in her neck jumping erratically.

Then she whispered, 'Do you think I should get married today?'

He blinked quickly. 'Do you?'

She let out an exasperated sigh and turned away from him, shaking her head. 'He loves me.'

Jane nodded. 'Yes he does. He's a good man.' He couldn't seem to stop saying that.

She turned to face him again. 'Do you love me, Jane?'

He was stunned for a second. She was giving him a chance, a last chance to stop her from going down this path. They were at a crossroads in both of their lives and knew it. Instead of taking her in his arms and kissing the life out of her he just stood there and replied, 'Um...'

She nodded, embarrassed at putting her emotions on the line. She looked down. 'That's okay. I just...I just needed to know for sure before I do this.'

'Teresa-'

'It's okay, Jane, honestly.' She pushed him towards the door. 'I still have my hair and make up to get done.' She closed the door behind him and he found himself staring at it. 'Lisbon, Teresa, please, let me explain-'

'You don't need to, it's fine, okay. Annie! Can you give me a hand in here?'

In a second Annie was at the door, giving him a withering look. 'You should go. We have a wedding to get ready for.'

* * *

><p>He blinked his eyes at the memory, his loud sigh exacting a murmur from the woman at his side.<p>

Her shoulder length blond hair fell against her face in loose strands. She was beautiful and as a couple they extracted envious looks from both sexes. She was his partner now at the FBI. He had resisted having one at all after Lisbon left and had burned each one Abbott had tried to inflict on him for months. But Melanie Carson was not so easily swayed, even after he had abandoned her in the middle of a cornfield, a hundred miles from civilisation and no cell phone to call back up. She had further impressed him when she wouldn't tell him how she had got herself out of that predicament.

He knew she found him attractive instantly, despite reading his file and knowing his history on paper. She had asked him to dinner on a number of occasions, an openness in her that he found refreshing if a little alarming. After Lisbon's wedding he had driven back to Austin and to her apartment and hadn't left the entire weekend, bringing more than a decade (Lorelei Martins being the exception) of abstinence from sex to an end. He looked at the matching wedding band on her left hand. They had been married for just over a year.

He looked at his watch. Less than five hours until he saw her again.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, to say I was a little overwhelmed by some of the reactions to this first chapter is an understatement! So I have some people who are upset that I have Jane married, some upset that there will be too much pain to continue reading, some who cannot see how this can be a Jisbon story with this beginning...and so on...It seems I have got myself into quite a pickle. **

**But I have decided to persevere with the story I have envisaged. So, I have put on my metaphorical bulletproof vest and await the comments for this chapter.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 2 – Goodbye &amp; Hello<p>

The first glimmers of sunlight streaming into the car woke Melanie and she checked her watch. Looking over at her husband she said, 'I told you to wake me, Patrick. I could have helped with the driving.'

'No point in both of us being awake. It wasn't like I was going to sleep anyway.'

'So what else is new' she murmured, looking out of the window as she caught a glimpse of the Washington Monument in the distance.

She glanced back over at him, his eyes steadily fixed on the road ahead and his expression blank. Only the occasional tapping of his wedding ring against the steering wheel gave him away.

'Nervous?' she asked.

He nodded. 'Yeah, a little. It's been a while since I've seen her. And these...circumstances are hardly ideal.'

She nodded and peered out of the window to her side.

He glanced over at her. 'Look, Mel, if you want I can go by myself. Might be a little easier if I'm on my own. I know you're anxious about meeting her.'

She turned her face back sharply to him. 'Easier for who, Patrick? You? I'm your wife aren't I so I'm coming.'

He sighed and nodded. 'Fine. But you might see things today you don't want to. You know what she means to me. That's all I'm saying.'

'I'm a big girl, I can handle it.'

* * *

><p>They arrived at the Church and saw some people milling around outside. Van Pelt's red hair was the first thing he noticed and he made a beeline for her, knowing Cho and Rigsby wouldn't be far away. He took Melanie's hand and walked over the grass to greet her. She immediately put her arms around him. 'Oh, Jane. Terrible news, isn't it?' She glanced at the blonde woman standing beside him and stuttered slightly. 'Hi, I'm-'<p>

'Grace. I know. I've seen photos. Nice to meet you, I'm Melanie. Melanie Carson.'

They shook hands as Rigsby and Cho came over. Jane made the introduction of his wife to Rigsby. He noted the looks from them at her use of her maiden name. She hadn't wanted to change it when they married.

'Have you talked to her?' Cho asked Jane.

He shook his head. 'Um. No. I haven't. How is she, Grace?' He knew the Rigsbys had flown in the day before and were staying at a hotel nearby.

'You know the boss, Jane. She's acting tough as nails. Everything today has been planned with military precision.'

Jane smiled sadly and nodded, looking to the ground for a second. 'She'll want to keep busy, easier that way at the start. Is she bringing Emma today?'

Grace nodded. 'Yeah, she wasn't sure at first but Annie's going to take her outside while the service takes place if it's a little much for her. Poor thing hasn't got a clue what's going on.'

Just then a funeral car came into view and they were all ushered inside the Church.

* * *

><p>Jane and Melanie stayed in the back. She took his hand again and he fought an overwhelming urge to move it away. He knew she was trying to comfort him but she had been right earlier, he didn't want her here. As much for her sake as for his own. A hymn began to be played and everyone rose to their feet. He picked up the printed pamphlet in front of him, allowing him to free his hand. It had Marcus' name printed on the front and R.I.P. in gold letters beside it. Inside was a list of the hymns to be played.<p>

The coffin came in carried by two of Lisbon's brothers and two other men, friends of Marcus from the Art Squad he guessed. He had seen her brothers briefly at her wedding but hadn't introduced himself. Then he saw her. She walked slowly behind, her head fixed straight ahead and grasping a little girl's hand as she walked up the aisle, both in black dresses. Jane was mesmerised. They were carbon copies of each other apart from the girl's hair that was darker, shoulder length and full of curls. Lisbon had sent him some photos as she had grown up but the similarity between them was striking. Emma was clutched to her mother's side, sharing her mother's sense of embarrassment when all eyes were on her. Lisbon put an arm around her shoulder, smoothing her hair down to comfort her daughter and herself. He saw her shoulders fall as she finally made her way to the front pew, relieved that particular spectacle was over.

During the ceremony Lisbon got up to say a few words as Annie took Emma outside. Just in case she broke down, Jane assumed. She really had thought of everything. But she spoke clearly, only a slight waver in her tone but looked down at the speech she had prepared instead of the congregation for fear of losing her place and her grasp on her emotions. She spoke of a loving husband and father, a man who loved her completely, a man who would be missed by everyone who knew him. She added in anecdotes about his passion for classic movies where she would fall asleep and about how he would get himself soaked when bathing their daughter. Jane watched her intently as she took a look at the coffin in front of her before she sat back down.

Once the service had resumed Jane whispered to Melanie, 'I'm just going to get some air.'

'You want me to come with you?'

He shook his head and excused himself from the seat.

He exhaled deeply once outside, closed his eyes for a moment and dropped the mask he wore every day. He strolled around the church grounds then heard a little girl's laugh. Even her laugh was that of her mother's. He followed the noise to the side of the Church and leaned against the wall as he watched her blow bubbles and run into them a short distance away. She stopped when she noticed him, becoming shy as a stranger looked on and grabbed Annie's hand. Annie turned around and nodded to him and they walked over.

'Hey Annie, how are you?' He knelt down and tried to get a glimpse of Emma's face as she hid behind her knee. 'Hello Emma, nice to see you again. Last time I saw you were only a couple of days old.'

The use of her name caught her attention and she moved a fraction to get a look at this man in front of her. Two emerald eyes stared at him intensely and he swallowed, looking up at Annie. 'I knew she was like her but...'

'I know, it's kind of freaky. The eyes, right?'

He nodded and pulled out a chocolate coin behind Emma's ear before giving it to her. She looked at it with the same look of suspicion Lisbon had given him on many an occasion, wondering what his angle was. She glanced up at Annie and she nodded back to her. 'It's okay, Em. This is Patrick Jane. You mom and he used to work together before you were born.'

'Jane?'

The first word she had ever spoken to him pulled at his heart. 'Yes, sweetheart. Jane.'

She nodded and began to unwrap the chocolate.

He stood back up and put his hand through his hair. 'How is she, I mean really, Annie?'

Annie shrugged. 'In shock as you would expect. It all happened so quickly. They went to bed and when she woke up she couldn't wake him. Brain aneurism. M.E. says he wouldn't have suffered. That's something at least.'

'Yeah' he sighed.

'I hear you've had a change in your life yourself.' She pointed to the ring on his finger.

Jane looked away. 'Yeah, you could say that.'

'Just gone a year, right?'

'Mmm.'

'So, what's she like?'

He shrugged. 'You'll meet her later, see for yourself.' He added, 'Or do you think I should send her off somewhere. I don't want to upset Lisbon by...well...you know. This is hardly the time for her to meet Melanie.'

Annie raised an eyebrow. 'Would there have been a good time? Besides, Aunt Reese has more to worry about today than you.'

Just then he felt a tug on his trousers. He looked down to find Emma's face entirely covered in chocolate. He brought out a handkerchief and began to wipe it off her, his instinct of doing this with Charlotte taking over before he saw the shocked expression on the girl's face. He quickly gave the cloth to Annie to finish. 'Sorry, I wasn't thinking.'

'It's okay, she would have punched you on the nose if she had a problem with it.'

'Just like your mother, huh?' he grinned before pulling another coin from behind her ear.

* * *

><p>After the ceremony at the gravesite Lisbon caught his eye. She had noticed him in the Church, his blond curls in the back pew. He kept back as she was hugged by family and friends, waiting for his moment with her.<p>

Melanie saw how he looked at her, watching every move she made and not taking his eyes off her for a second. He had been right. She shouldn't have come. Instead of being his wife she felt like an intruder in this scene. He had never looked at her like this. But she couldn't be angry with him, only herself. He had never lied to her about his feelings for Teresa Lisbon. That first day he came to her apartment he told her that he had just watched the woman he loved marry another man. He told her that he would never get over it. That he would never get over her. That he had been stupid and too scared to tell her how he felt and had missed his final chance with her. But Melanie had thought differently. She had read his file and knew enough to realise he probably felt the same when he lost Angela. But the fact that he had just admitted to being in love with another woman proved he could move on.

So she kissed him and told him she understood. That she just wanted to take care of him, to comfort him. That it didn't have to be anything more than something casual between them, that she had no expectations. She knew there had been some gossip that Jane had taken advantage of her interest in him to begin a relationship and that his heart wasn't in it but that first weekend she had taken advantage of him. She had used his vulnerability and weakened state of mind to get closer to him. That first weekend he was animalistic in his lovemaking. She knew it had been a long time but the sheer ferocity of his desire had brought her to the point of collapse. It hadn't been about love, it had been sex for him, a way of pushing Teresa Lisbon into the far reaches of his mind. She had accepted that then. Melanie had told herself that it would change in time. That he would come to appreciate her and that his feelings for Teresa Lisbon would become a distant memory. The last couple of years he had seemed more content and she thought they had made a breakthrough but seeing him today she realised she was never going to make him truly happy, that he had been hiding this part of himself all this time.

* * *

><p>Lisbon finally made her way over to them.<p>

'Hey' she said softly as she looked into his eyes.

'Hey' Jane replied, his eyes boring into hers.

All at once he found himself engulfed in a hug. He realised he was shocked as it was the first hug ever initiated by Lisbon.

'I'm so glad you came' she whispered. 'Thank you.'

He moved his arms tighter around her, feeling her body shake with bottled up grief. 'Where else would I be?' he whispered back.

She pulled away from him and looked embarrassed, turning her attention to Melanie now.

'I'm so sorry. That was rude of me. I'm Teresa Lisbon. You must be Melanie. It's nice to meet you at last.'


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter. I seemed to have weathered the storm from the first chapter! Happy that so many of you are choosing to stick with this story. I admit it's a little bit different to the usual Jane/Lisbon dynamic but I've tried something new with the characters so hope it makes it interesting to read even if it's not everyone's cup of tea. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 3 - Anger<p>

Melanie reached out her hand and the two women shook hands. 'I'm so sorry for your loss' she said.

'Thank you' Lisbon said. She had said those words hundreds of times herself. 'I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.'

Melanie nodded. Despite her jealousy she liked this strong woman and imagined the two of them could have been friends under different circumstances. 'Me too.'

Lisbon looked at the two of them now. Jane could see her mind working, trying to figure out the answers to a hundred questions she had on this new dynamic. After a slight pause she said, 'Um, we're having a little get together, a kind of a post funeral wake I'd guess you call it in a hotel nearby. You'll both come, won't you? Unless you have to get back to Austin.'

'Of course, Lisbon' Jane replied. 'We're actually going to be in town for a few days.' He knew what the first days of grief were like after the funeral when all you had was time to think about the loss, that was when the enormity of it finally sunk in and wanted to be there for her if she wanted or allowed him to be.

Melanie chipped in, 'Yes, I've never really seen much of D.C. so we thought we'd take in a few museums.' She inwardly ticked herself off, she was making it sound like this visit was primarily a vacation for them instead of her husband paying his grieving friend a visit. Although she was looking forward to the vacation aspect of the trip as they had both been working so hard lately they barely had a social life. She caught a flash of annoyance in Jane's eyes too at her words. Being married to a master of human behaviour certainly had its downsides.

Lisbon replied, 'Oh, you'll love it. Especially this time of the year. Cherry blossoms are just out.' She excused herself quickly, giving them the name of the hotel and said she would see them later.

Melanie was waiting for a derisive comment from Jane but he was too engrossed in watching Lisbon's retreat.

* * *

><p>Lisbon sat in the car on her way to the hotel, Emma was clutched to her side again in the backseat as Annie drove and Lisbon's brother Stanley sat in the front seat.<p>

'You okay, sweetie?' she whispered to her daughter.

She felt a nod against her but her tiny fingers wrapped around Lisbon's hand tightly and Lisbon drew her in closer. 'Remember we talked Emma. Daddy's in heaven now. He's always going to be watching out for you and he'll never stop loving you.'

Emma drew her eyes back to her mothers and Lisbon brushed a curl from her cheek, stifling tears as she did so. Emma moved up and planted a kiss to her and Lisbon hugged her ferociously.

* * *

><p>Lisbon moved around the room in the hotel, greeting people she hadn't had a chance to speak to at the service. She couldn't wait for this day to be over. To stop acting strong and to just collapse into bed and allow herself to cry. Emma had settled again and was currently napping in AnnabethAnnie's lap. Annie had moved to D.C. two years ago just after Emma was born and was working for the Police Department there. She was a wonderful cop and Lisbon was incredibly proud of her. She knew it wouldn't be long before the FBI beckoned. She had asked Annie if she wanted to put a word in with her superiors but her niece was as stubborn as she was and she wanted to get a job on her own merits and not because of nepotism.

Lisbon was currently embroiled in half listening to a colleague of Marcus' who he had never even been friends with but was droning on at her like he had lost a brother when she caught a glance of a raised eyebrow from Jane in the distance behind him. Even after two years of not seeing each other he still could read her like a book and she shot him a look that said 'please help me'. He smiled in that way of his, assuming and pompous to most people but a smile that she was as used to years ago as getting up in the morning and he strolled over to her.

'Teresa, I think the caterers want a word. Something to do with the canapés.' He whispered in her ear but loud enough that this buffoon would hear. 'Turns out the pate may be a little off.'

The man immediately looked at the plateful he had half demolished and excused himself immediately.

Jane gave her a full grin and shrugged.

She shook her head, a soft smile forming on her lips even on this day. 'I just asked you to get me out of it, not to panic the poor man.'

'Meh, he looked like he could do with losing a few pounds.'

For a moment they stared at each other, the first time they had been alone in years. Lisbon was relieved he hadn't come over full of sympathy and pity but with a ploy to bring a little light heartedness to her day instead. Whilst she accepted compassion was the default setting in how to treat a grieving spouse she had enough of it over the last few days to last her a lifetime and was growing increasingly annoyed at being handled with kid gloves by everyone around her.

'So, you can't wait to get this part over with' he said softly.

She nodded. 'I hear you met Emma earlier, I mean you haven't seen her since she was born.'

Jane nodded, unsaid words inferring she wasn't just talking about her daughter. 'Yes, she's quite something. I can't believe how much she looks like you.'

'Where's your wife?' she asked suddenly, looking around the room.

Jane was immediately brought back to reality. The last few minutes were almost like old times, a bit of banter and admonishment. 'Um, not sure. She said she had to ring work. She's a bit of a workaholic.' He smiled thinly, ruffling his hair.

'She's not what I expected.'

Jane raised an eyebrow. 'Oh? And what were you expecting?'

Lisbon thought for a moment, her brow creasing. 'I have literally no idea' she finally admitted.

Jane looked into the distance, biting his lips.

'Are you okay?' she asked, her face full of concern.

He looked back at her. Even on this day she was still worried about other people. He nodded, planting a smile back on his face but the look she gave him told him she wasn't buying it.

'Just don't know what to say to you, that's all' he admitted, the truth but with more meaning behind the words than he could or would articulate.

She sighed and nodded. 'I know. There's not much to say. Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you were able to make it.'

'Did you seriously think I wouldn't?'

She shrugged. 'Frankly I wasn't sure. We haven't seen each other in over two years, Jane. If I didn't send you photos of Emma or a Christmas card I doubt we'd even still be in touch. And then...you got married and didn't even tell me-'

'We didn't tell anyone Lisbon. We eloped.'

'I know that but I thought...I thought I meant more than that to you. After all the years we were friends. To just let me find out through the grapevine. It hurt, Jane.'

She hadn't anticipated on unburdening over two years of pent up anger at Patrick Jane on this day in particular but her emotions were all over the place. She knew she wasn't just angry at him but at Marcus as well for leaving her the way he did but she had found an outlet and couldn't stop.

'And I would have liked you involved in Emma's life. You always loved kids. But you never even made an effort to get to know her!' Tears began to spring to her eyes and she tried to bottle them down.

Jane ushered her to an empty room beside them. She gasped and tried to find a breath and to control the tears but she was frantically losing control over herself. Jane put his arms around her tightly and held on to her until she finally allowed the tears to come, loud sobs muffled by his chest as she heaved in his arms. After a few minutes his shirt was soaking wet but her sobs were more muted now as she began to control her breathing again.

She went to pull away but he held on. 'Just wait another minute, people will understand you need some time today. You don't need to be superwoman.' She relaxed back in his arms and closed her eyes as he stroked her hair in soothing strokes.

She finally looked up at him but he didn't look back at her. His face was made of stone and he looked into the distance. He didn't dare look at her, he was afraid of what he would do and what she would see if he gazed into her eyes. He allowed her to pull away finally. He went to give her a handkerchief but realised he had used the he had brought on Emma earlier.

'Sorry' he said, casting a quick glance over at her. He improvised by handing her a cloth napkin that was at a place sitting near them.

'Thanks' she said, blowing her nose loudly.

He felt safe enough to look at her again and shot her a look that made her self-conscious of the noise coming from her nose. She glared over at him, blowing into the napkin again for added effect.

'I'm sorry' she said. 'You didn't deserve all of that.'

'I don't know if I agree but we can talk about all that another time. That's the first time you've allowed yourself to cry about Marcus. I know what it's like Teresa, remember? I know the circumstances of Angela's death were different but the emotions stirred up are the same when someone's taken from you suddenly. Any time you need a punchbag I'll be happy to oblige.'

She nodded. 'Thanks. It hasn't really hit me yet, you know? I mean I know I just buried him but it's hard to believe that I'm never going to see him again.'

'I know. I felt the same way. Still do sometimes. I'd like to help, if I can while I'm here. Just to talk or help out with whatever you need. You were right. I let our friendship slide. I want to make amends if it's not too late.'

She sighed loudly. 'Okay. I mean, maybe. I'll think about it. I better get back to the room. How do I look?'

'Why don't I get Annie to bring in some makeup?' Her mascara was all over her face and her eyes puffy.

* * *

><p>Melanie walked over to him when he came out of the side room. He held a hand up to her as he whispered in Annie's ear. Annie looked at Emma asleep in her lap and shrugged. After some non verbal communication Jane sat down and Annie placed the sleeping child in his arms. She waited a moment but he nodded to her, satisfied that she wouldn't waken.<p>

'Sorry' he whispered to Melanie, stroking Emma's hair absentmindedly.

She regarded him for a moment before she spoke. 'You're a natural' she said softly as she watched him cradle Emma in her arms. She had seen him with children at crime scenes but never like this.

'Thanks' he smiled back. 'I'm sorry for earlier, I know today's difficult for you and I haven't made it any easier.'

She wondered how he could do that so easily, just a few words of comfort from him made her heart flutter. She reached over and moved the child's hair a little. 'I don't have to ask whose daughter this is' she said sadly.

'She needed Annie for something so-'

'It's okay Patrick. I understand. You want to help her today.'

He paused for a moment readying himself for the response he was about to get to his next statement. 'I've told her that I'd like to help her over the next few days, if she needs help with anything or just to talk.'

Melanie's soft features hardened. 'Doesn't she have family for that?'

He rolled his eyes. 'Yes but she's not especially close to her brothers. And they're more used to her looking after them than the other way around.'

'What about her niece Annie? They seem to be close.'

Jane sighed. 'She's only in her twenties. She needs someone with a little more life experience.'

Emma moved a little in his arms, picking up in the tension in his body. He pulled her in closer and calmed his heartbeat. She was settled again after a moment.

'What you mean to say, Patrick, is that she needs you' Melanie said bluntly.

'Yes. I have some understanding in the experience she's going though if you recall.'

Melanie sighed and drew her phone out of her bag. 'If that's the case there's no point me staying here. I'll text Abbott to tell him I'm going back to work tomorrow.'

'You don't have to do that. Don't be so childish. I can spend time with you this week too. All I'm saying is that Lisbon may need me as well. Don't make this an ultimatum, Melanie.'

'I know better than to do that, Patrick. I know more than anyone who you would choose if I did.'

With that she got out of the seat beside him and went over to the bar.

He hadn't noticed Lisbon sidling up to him. The look on her face showed she had seen the last few moments at least.

He shrugged, not bothering to cover up his annoyed expression and handed Emma over to her without a word before going to the bar to stand beside his wife. She stopped watching them, their body language obviously showing they were in a middle of fight, when Emma stretched in her arms and gave her a dazzling smile. Lisbon's heart melted at the sight as it usually did and she grinned back, kissing each of her daughter's cheeks eliciting a giggle back from her.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks again for all the lovely words of support and encouragement for this story. And to all the new followers I don't recognise from my previous fics thank you for joining this journey with my favourite couple. And the good thing about a controversial beginning, lots of reviews, I love the strong opinions on Melanie. For those that log in I always respond and for to those guest reviewers, thanks!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 4 - Support<p>

They arrived back at the hotel they were staying in a little while later. They hadn't spoken more than a handful of words since leaving the wake.

'You want to get some dinner?' Melanie asked, in an attempt to break the ice. She looked at some brochures for dining the hotel had left in the room.

Jane collapsed into an armchair and rubbed his eyes. 'I'm not hungry. Maybe later.'

He was exhausted, he hadn't slept in close to 48 hours and after all the emotions stirred up in him that day he closed his eyes.

He felt her presence at his side. 'I'm sorry, Patrick. I was jealous. And petty. Whatever time she needs this week give it to her.'

He opened his eyes and nodded, smiling faintly. He felt the guilt tear him up inside. He took her hand. 'Thank you. I know this isn't easy. You know nothing's going to happen with her, I'm just trying to be her friend.'

She nodded but he could see the unease in her eyes. 'Lie down for a few hours, you're beat. You need to get some sleep. I'll do a little work while you're resting.'

He nodded and got up from the chair. She hugged him and let her head fall on his shoulder. He smoothed out her hair and kissed her on the cheek before going over to lie on the bed.

* * *

><p>He felt a pair of hands unbutton his shirt as he woke up and soft kisses being placed on his neck. He opened his eyes. Darkness filled the room now, he had evidently been asleep for at least three hours. A hand was now moving down his bare chest as Melanie continued the kisses, moving up to his earlobe, biting on it gently.<p>

He put his hand to hers to stop it from going any further down his body. She stopped kissing him and drew her face away to look at him as his eyes stared at the ceiling.

'Not tonight' he said quietly.

'I'm just trying to get your mind off things, Patrick. You know, get you out of your head for a little while.'

He sighed and nodded. Sex had been the way their out of work relationship had started and she still used it when she felt under pressure or insecure. He was ashamed to admit it but it had been his escape too often over the past few years too. A way to expel the pent up frustration and anger he felt for the choices he had made in the past. But tonight he was unwilling and unable to find solace in that type of release.

'Yeah, I know. I'm not in the mood, sorry.' He extricated himself from her arms and sat up in the bed. 'Let's get some dinner, shall we?'

* * *

><p>Annie, Lisbon and Emma arrived back at the house. Annie was planning on staying with them for a while. Her brothers were staying at a nearby hotel but she had bid them goodbye earlier as they were all catching flights early the next day. They had wanted to stay on a while longer but Lisbon insisted that they go back to their respective jobs and families and that she would be fine with Annie's support.<p>

After Annie burned some pasta, they ate it silently, Lisbon not tasting it. She put her daughter to bed and went back into the living room. She had changed into sweat pants and one of Marcus' T shirts, needing to feel the closeness of him on her skin. Annie was ready with a glass of wine. She shook her head, remembering the path her father took after her mother died and put on the kettle instead. She wanted tea and smiled thinly at that fact. When she was having a bad day she always took a cup nowadays, the memory of a certain blond consultant smiling drinking a cup of it always coming into her head and cheering her thoughts.

Annie regarded her closely. 'It must have been strange seeing him today.' Lisbon raised her eyes away from the kettle to look at her. She was almost as good as Jane at reading her.

She shrugged, pouring in the milk and then the boiling water. 'Yeah, it was. How did he seem to you?' She wanted to think of anything else but Marcus' death right now and Jane seemed like the perfect distraction he always was.

Annie shrugged, sipping the wine Lisbon had refused. 'Not the same as I remember. Sadder I guess. What'd you make of the wife?'

'She seems okay I guess. Obviously adores him but then he never had a problem charming the ladies when he wanted to. He did seem to have a lot on his mind but with him you never know, he was probably feeling just a little awkward. It's been a long time since we saw each other and I wasn't easy on him. It's just so strange though to think of him as being married to someone who isn't Angela. She must be quite something for him to have done that.'

Annie detected the note of disappointment in her aunt's words. She knew she had been in love with Jane from the first moment she saw the two of them together. On the day of the wedding she had been the one to encourage Lisbon to call him in the hope he would reveal he felt the same way but he had let her down. But seeing him today she saw the regret in his eyes and watched as they never left her aunt. If he hadn't been in love with her all those years ago he certainly was now, no matter what his marital status was.

* * *

><p>As Jane and Melanie were taking a walk around the Lincoln Memorial a couple of days later Annie called him.<p>

'Patrick, can you come over to Aunt Reese's house? She told me the other night that you offered to help out this week before you went back to Austin.'

'Of course, what's wrong Annie?'

'She's...cleaning.'

Jane couldn't help a smile form. 'Is it that unusual to warrant my help?'

'It's not normal cleaning. She's been scrubbing floors, moved the refrigerator to clean behind it, taken a steam cleaner to practically every surface. If I hadn't already bathed Emma this morning I think she would have taken it to her!'

Jane laughed out loud. In her grief Lisbon's obsession with straightening a few things in times of stress had obviously taken on a new dimension. 'Okay, give me twenty minutes or so.'

'Patrick?'

'Yeah?'

'She doesn't know I called you. She'd kill me but I can't get her to stop.'

'I'll be there soon.'

Melanie had smiled thinly when he told her he was off to see Lisbon but he knew she was far from happy and was trying to put on a brave face telling him she would be fine doing some sightseeing herself.

* * *

><p>Jane arrived at Lisbon's house shortly after. He had told Annie to take Emma out for an hour. When she answered the door her hair was scraped back into a ponytail and she was wearing a baggy T shirt (one of Marcus' he guessed) and sweatpants. Her face, arms and hands had patches of dirt and grease on them.<p>

'What are you doing here?' Her cheeks blushed of their own accord at him seeing her in such a state. 'I told you when you left the other night I'd call you if I wanted to talk.'

'I was just passing so thought I'd drop by to see how you are. What is this, Spring cleaning?' he said, motioning to her appearance.

'How could you be just passing, we live in the suburbs for god's sake. Your hotel is at least five miles away.' She stood at the door, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

If it had been another time he would have teased her mercilessly about her appearance and compared her to looking like a Victorian child who was sent up to sweep chimneys. Instead he said, 'Can I come in?'

His soft tone threw her, she was expecting a smart remark, and she opened the door.

As she closed it behind her she turned around to him quickly. 'Annie. She asked you to come, didn't she?'

He shrugged. 'She was worried about you, Lisbon.'

'Goddamnit! She's almost as manipulative as you!'

She stormed past him and took up a cloth she had been using to clean some silver and continued to clean the knives and forks in front of her on the dining room table with a renewed vigour.

He sat down beside her and placed his hand over hers. 'Look at me, Lisbon. Please.'

She stopped for a second and looked at his hand on hers, his thumb gently rubbing over hers in soothing strokes. She knew he was trying to calm her down. If she looked at him he was going to ask her to breathe slowly and stare at her with those piercing eyes of his. She pulled her hand away from him. 'Stop it, Jane. I know all your tricks, remember?'

He sighed, getting up from the table. 'Do you have any tea?'

'Since when do you ask? You normally used to just help yourself. Don't tell me you've suddenly acquired some sense of personal boundaries in other people's homes.'

He smiled and began to go through her cupboards, finding quite a decent selection. 'I didn't know Marcus drank tea' he said, putting the kettle on.

'He doesn't.' She paused and then added, 'I mean he didn't.'

She stopped cleaning and her shoulders drooped. He placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze before going back to his tea preparation.

'I drink it sometimes' she said wearily, picking up the cloth again and running it over a fork slowly.

He nodded and took another mug from the cupboard, deciding on chamomile for them both.

They drank the tea silently. She was staring into space and Jane wondered if she even knew he was there for a few minutes. He remembered the same feeling when his family were murdered, a sense of detachment from everything going on around him. She suddenly turned to him and said, 'Where's your wife?'

Even now when someone called her that his mind automatically thought of Angela first. 'Um..Melanie? Oh, she's doing a little sightseeing.'

'Jane, you should be with her, not me. Annie shouldn't have called you. I'm okay now. You should go.'

'In a little while. What's the matter?'

She raised her eyebrows. 'What do you think? I just buried my husband.'

'I'm aware of that Lisbon but there's a particular problem you're having trouble with. What is it?'

She glared at him and then nodded. 'I've forgotten how annoying your damn mind reading can be.'

He shot her a smile. 'Come on, you know I won't give up until you tell me.'

She sighed loudly. 'She's not even going to remember him, is she?' she said softly.

'Probably not, no.'

She glared at him again. 'Jesus, what happened to you? You used to lie to me on an almost daily basis and now you decide it's time to be truthful.' She smiled faintly at the end of the sentence.

'Sorry, I must be off my game' he replied, smiling back.

She put her hands around her mug and tapped her fingers around its sides.

'You could help her' Jane suggested. 'To make sure she remembers him.'

'Oh, how?'

'Get a box, put some photos in, maybe things they perhaps played with together, games or something like that, videos you have of them together. Write some things down yourself while things are fresh in your mind of memories you have of the two of them. Add to it when something crosses your mind or you come across something that reminds you of a story you could tell her about him. It might help you too. Something to turn your mind too than all this cleaning nonsense. When she's older and asks about what her father was like you'll have it all there ready for her.'

Tears fell from Lisbon's eyes. She spoke hoarsely and placed her hand on his. 'I should have thought of that. That's a wonderful idea.'

He squeezed her hand in response.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Reading

Lisbon showered and put on a pair of jeans and an emerald green T shirt. As she came back into the living room with her hair still damp Jane stood at her fireplace studying the photos on the mantelpiece, another mug of tea in his hand.

'So, what do you think?' she said, attempting a breezy note to her voice.

He turned around and smiled at her. 'Much better. I thought I was going to have to take the hose to you.'

'I didn't mean that.'

He raised his eyes in a question.

'Well, you've been here at least half an hour by now snooping around. What do our things tell you about the life I had with Marcus?'

'You never liked it when I judged your life, now you're asking me to?'

She shrugged. 'Guess I want to see if you can still do it. I'm curious to see what you think.'

'Ah, a challenge? Well, I've never been afraid to back away from one of those, Lisbon.'

He cast his eyes around the living room. 'Okay. Well you and Marcus shared an affiliation for sports. You went to games together before Emma was born but it's been a while now.' Jane pointed to a photograph of Lisbon taken at a baseball game; the date on the scoreboard behind her was three years ago.

'He went away a lot on business, even venturing to Europe. He wanted you to go with him but, the workaholic that you are, refused. But he always brought you something back.' Jane pointed to a snow globe on a shelf depicting the Eiffel Tower.

'He had put on a bit of weight lately, not much but enough for him to have gone on a diet over the last couple of months. The weight gain was probably the result of a sense of contentment he had, happily married men are prone to adding on a few pounds.'

He waited for the question.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. 'Okay, how did you know that?'

'In your refrigerator is an abundance of salad items. I wouldn't wait too much longer before throwing them out by the way. On your bookshelf a book on healthy eating. It's a new addition, the pages are still glossy.'

'It could be mine.'

Jane chuckled softly. 'You? I don't imagine so. You prefer to burn off the calories by running or by using a punch bag. You love chocolate and bear claws much too much to give them up. Nor should you.'

Lisbon shrugged.

'So, how am I doing?'

'Same as ever, a right know it all.'

Jane grinned at her eliciting a smile back.

A seriousness came over his face as he walked up to her. 'He was happy, Lisbon. Extremely happy. He cherished every day you spent together. That's what you wanted to know, wasn't it?'

She nodded, blinking rapidly. 'He used to tell me he was. Told me every day how much I meant to him. But now he's gone-'

'You're beginning to worry about every little fight or disagreement you ever had. If he was being honest with you when he told you he loved you or if it was just words some of the time. It's natural to focus on those kinds of things, or at least it certainly was for me when Angela died. It was a marriage, Lisbon, not a fairy tale. They all have their ups and downs. Don't doubt the depth of his feelings for you ever.'

She nodded. 'I keep on thinking about last week. He forgot to get something in the groceries and I shouted at him for an hour because of it. I had a bad day at work and took it out on him. If I'd known how close I was to losing him...' Her voice drifted off as Jane watched her struggle to keep the tears at bay. She straightened her shoulders and cleared her throat. 'Stupid really, the small things that bother you.'

'I know. I had the same experience. The night before...well the night before what Red John did I gave Angela the silent treatment for four hours. She had missed one of Charlotte's red socks from a previous wash and four of my best white shirts were decidedly pink at the end of the cycle. I often think of those four hours, that I could have had them with her instead of sulking like a child.' Jane's eyes misted over as he looked to the side. Lisbon was taken aback at his candidness and didn't respond for a moment.

'God, we're a right pair, aren't we?' Lisbon sighed but then put a smile back on her face. 'You want some ice cream before we depress each other anymore?'

Jane grinned. 'Always.'

* * *

><p>As they sat and ate it from the tub Lisbon asked, 'I'm surprised Abbott allowed you all to come to the funeral. He called me you know, to pass on his sympathies, made a donation in lieu of flowers. And that he gave you and Melanie a few days after too, that was pretty generous of him. Cho told me you were all flat out at the moment.'<p>

'Well, he's buttering me up. Trying to keep on my good side. If I had asked him for a fortnight he would probably have agreed.'

'Abbott? Why?'

Jane pointed to the newspaper sitting on the table, his finger tapping the date.

Lisbon raised an eyebrow. 'I don't understand.'

Jane sat back in his chair, licking the spoon. Lisbon looked at the date again, her mind trying to find the significance.

When he saw the look of astonishment on her face he grinned.

'Your contract, it's up in what, a month?' She finally declared.

Jane nodded. 'Five years, did you ever think I'd make it?'

Lisbon grinned. 'Sometimes no. I thought you were going to be thrown into federal prison after you escaped on that first case. So, what are your plans? You're not thinking of leaving the FBI are you?'

Jane shrugged. 'Probably not but it's nice to see Dennis sweat for a while.'

'You're a wicked man, Patrick Jane.'

* * *

><p>The door flung open and Emma ran in as Jane and Lisbon laughed. She went straight to her mother's lap before she noticed the man sitting opposite her. Annie trailed behind, a smile breaking out on her face on seeing Lisbon sitting relaxed at the table.<p>

Lisbon smoothed Emma's hair and handed her a spoonful of ice cream. Emma ate it, all the while staring at Jane. She put her hand behind her ear but found nothing there.

'Sorry, kid, I'm all out' Jane smiled back at her. She shrugged, getting off her mother's lap and going over to the bookshelves to fetch one of her books from the bottom shelf. Jane watched her, a grin plastered across his face.

Emma tilted her head to the side, pondering her choice. Jane looked at Lisbon. 'She has the same look of concentration on her face you used to have when you couldn't decide on whether to shout at me for one of my schemes or congratulate me on a cunning plan.'

'Yeah, right. I don't recollect congratulating you much.'

Suddenly Emma appeared at his side again, a book in her hand. He looked to Lisbon and she nodded so he picked Emma up so she sat on his lap. He recognised the book, it was one he had sent her for her last birthday present. Even though he hadn't seen her he always made sure to send her presents on her birthday and at Christmas.

Jane's eyes widened and looked at Lisbon. 'How on earth?'

Lisbon shrugged. 'Just because you weren't in her life doesn't mean she never heard of you. I showed her your photo and told you we were friends when I gave her your presents. I'm sorry about what I said the other day, about you not getting to know her; I know you think of her. She loves that book, by the way.'

Jane's eyes were fixed on Lisbon's but then he felt a tug on his sleeve.

'She wants you to read it to her, Jane.'

Jane swallowed, finally looking down at Emma and opened the book, beginning to read it to her.

Lisbon got up from the table once she was certain her daughter was comfortably engrossed. Annie had sat on the couch pretending to watch TV but was listening to every word. Lisbon sat down beside her and glared. 'Don't think you're off the hook.'

Annie shrugged and smiled.

* * *

><p>A little while later Lisbon went back to the table. Jane had read the book twice to Emma but saw no sign of him being bored.<p>

'Emma, honey, thank Mr Jane for reading to you. But he has to go.'

Two disappointed faces greeted her in unison and she rolled her eyes. 'Emma, come on, you've had a busy day. You need to get ready for bed soon. Annie's going to start the bath, I'll be in in a minute. Now come on.'

Lisbon's stern but soft tone tone made Jane look at Emma. She had a pout on her face and he could see her deciding on which way to play this. Either agree or scream the houses down.

'You mom's right, Emma. I have to go but thank you for letting me read to you. I hope I can do it again.' Emma shot him a withering look at the betrayal. She rolled her eyes and he almost burst out laughing. She got off his lap and stomped into the bathroom without a word.

His lips turned into a smile but before he could say anything Lisbon stopped him. 'Don't. I can see the resemblance, it has been pointed out to me on many an occasion.'

Annie gave him a hug as he got off the seat. 'Thanks, Patrick. No matter what punishment Aunt Reese has lined up for me.' She grinned at Lisbon and went into the bathroom.

She walked him over to the door. 'Jane...Jane-'

'It's okay Lisbon. You don't need to thank me. I had a lovely time. Emma's amazing. The teenage years will be...interesting with you two.'

Lisbon laughed. 'Yeah, thank god those are far off.' Her eyes flitted from side to side. 'Jane...'

He studied her face. She had something serious to discuss with him obviously. 'What is it, Lisbon?'

She took a deep breath. 'Look, I don't want to interfere in your life but I couldn't help notice at the wake that you and Melanie were...well...'

'We had an argument, yes.'

'That much was obvious but I got the feeling it wasn't just a one off. Every time I mention her you change the subject. Are you...are you having problems?'

He shrugged, pursing his lips. 'Like I said before, Lisbon. Marriage, it has its ups and downs.'

'Whatever is wrong, fix it, Jane. Like we talked about earlier you never know when someone is going to be taken away from you. Don't waste time arguing. Just deal with whatever the problem is and move on from it. We're friends, right? I only want the best for you. You married her Jane so she must be incredible. Do whatever you need to do to resolve things between you.'

After a moment he nodded. He hugged Lisbon, promisng he would call as soon as he got back to Austin and walked out the door.

The cool Spring breeze chilled him as he decided to walk back to his hotel than take a cab, it was a long walk but he needed time to think, to ponder Lisbon's words to him. By the time he had reached his hotel he could barely feel his nose. When he opened the door to their room Melanie looked up from her laptop.

He exhaled a deep breath. 'We need to talk.'


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Changes

Melanie got to her feet quickly. 'Never mind that, you're freezing Patrick. Where the hell were you to this time? I'll go run you a bath.'

She went to go into the bathroom but Jane stopped her, pulling her wrist. She winced at the icy touch.

'Sorry' he mumbled, withdrawing his hand and rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

She stood in front of him and saw him trying to articulate something important.

'What were you doing until this time? It's gone nine you know. I thought you said you would only be an hour or so.'

He nodded. 'Yeah, I'm sorry. Time kind of got away on us.'

'You should have called me.'

'Melanie-'

'Did something happen between you?'

The question stunned him into silence momentarily. He looked at her wide eyed. 'You're kidding me, right?'

She swallowed, looking from side to side, a blush rising in her cheeks. 'I'm sorry; I know you wouldn't do that. It's just that as the time went on and I didn't hear from you my mind began to wander.'

'You should have called me.'

'I was trying to give you your space; I know you hate it when I'm possessive.'

He sighed, sitting in the armchair. 'I told you before Melanie, it's not like that with Lisbon this week. How could that thought even cross your mind? She just lost her husband for Pete's sake!'

She surprised him by laughing, a glower on her face. 'And that's really the crux of the problem isn't it, Patrick? Nothing's going to happen with her because her husband's just died, not because of the fact that you have a wife!'

He bit the inside of his cheek and shifted his eyes to the floor. He had decided to end things on the way back here but had hoped to do with some sensitivity, not this car crash.

'I'm sorry' he said softly, his eyes fixed to his shoes. He exhaled and looked up at her. The least he could do was to face her. He saw the hurt and pain across her face as she tried to keep the tears from flowing. 'I thought I could make this work, Mel, I really did.'

She nodded, sitting on the end of the bed opposite him, the fight already knocked out of her. A look of acceptance hovered over her features. 'I know you did. I did too. I thought I could make you love me. That in time I would be enough for you.'

'I thought so too. Or at least I hoped that would be the case. You have no idea how much I hoped that would happen. I do...I do care for you. You know that, Mel. In my own way I do love you.'

She huffed quietly. 'Yeah, I know you do. Just not as much as her. I didn't realise that fully until I saw the way you looked at her the other day. I knew then you wouldn't be able to just go back to where we were and pick up our life together again. I just tried to kid myself into believing the opposite.'

'I'm sorry.'

'You said that already.'

'I don't know what else to say.'

'Well that's a first for the great Patrick Jane.'

He nodded.

* * *

><p>After staying up all night discussing the practicalities of their separation Melanie was planning to fly back to Austin the following day. She was going to speak to Abbott about separating their partnership at work. There were enough cases to ensure they didn't have to work in the field together all that much. Jane understood the distance she needed from him. She was going to keep the apartment they shared and the car. Jane said he would drive it back to Austin and leave it with her. It had been her idea to buy the Prius anyway. Jane had kept the Airstream for cases so he was going to move back in there. Lawyers would be the next step he assumed. He told her to get the papers drawn up and he would sign whatever terms she laid down.<p>

As daylight began to shine through he asked her, 'Why did you do it, take on someone like me?'

She shrugged. 'Because I fell in love with you, why else?'

'But why? I'm a disaster area.'

She spoke the words softly, sitting cross legged on the floor opposite him. 'Maybe I'm a masochist like yourself. Or maybe I'm a little bit like Lisbon. At least what you've told me about her.' She smiled faintly. 'I wanted to fix you.'

He looked away from her. 'Some things can't be fixed.'

'I think you were fixed once. I think she did, or at least as much as you could allow yourself to be anyway. But you broke again when she left and even more when she got married. I saw that. I even took advantage of it in the beginning. I was arrogant to think I could do the same as she had and make you fall in love with me.'

He stared out the window to his side. She didn't need it pointed out that one of the reasons he had fallen in love with Lisbon was that she would never have manipulated or used him in that way. She had plenty of occasions to seduce him when he had been feeling vulnerable in the Red John days but she never crossed that line. And he was hardly blameless in the matter himself, he should have resisted Melanie but he hadn't. He knew when he went to her apartment that day that he wasn't just seeking out a friend's shoulder to cry on over a lost love. Truth was they had used each other back then.

'Can I ask you a question, Patrick?'

He looked back at her. 'Of course.'

'Why did you never tell her how you felt? Why did you let her marry a man you knew she wasn't in love with at the time?'

'You know why, I've told you before.'

'Yes. That she didn't deserve a train wreck like you.'

'I told you the same many times if you recall but you were...persistent.' A soft smile fell across his face, matched by one of her own.

'Do you regret it, marrying me?'

The look he shot her before he could cover it gave her the answer she didn't want to hear. 'Okay, then, do you regret our time together?'

'I don't know what I would have turned into without you. I'll always be grateful to you for that.'

She smiled sadly.

* * *

><p>After she left Jane lay on the bed and fell asleep. He woke up a couple of hours later, refreshed enough to begin the drive back to Austin. He looked down at his wedding band. With one quick gesture he removed it and placed it on the bedside table. He had worn his previous one for fourteen years. He felt a familiar pang of remorse for entering into his marriage with Melanie with such haste. A feeling that he had made a mockery of his marriage to Angela by rushing into it like he had. At the time he had tried to justify that decision but in his heart as soon as she had placed the ring on his finger he knew he had made a huge mistake.<p>

He retrieved his bag and left the room.

* * *

><p>A month later Abbott called Jane into his office. Jane sat down on the chair opposite him, a cup of tea in one hand and a saucer in the other.<p>

Abbott had been looking increasingly nervous as the past weeks had gone on. He had offered Jane a new contract but Jane had kept telling him he didn't have time to look over it but that he would get around to it. In truth he had been busy. He had to hire a lawyer for his impending divorce and to trawl through the paperwork involved in it.

He hadn't told Lisbon about his separation when he had called her over the past few weeks. She would only worry about him despite having enough on her plate. She had gone back to work the week after the funeral despite Annie's protestations. Emma was already enrolled in a day care facility and Lisbon wanted both of them to get back into their routine as soon as possible. He had called her every day to begin with to try to make up for the years he didn't but she had told him after a week to stop bugging her every day and to cut the calls to twice a week or only when he had something interesting to say. He had smiled at that, the familiar banter between the two of them being established once again making his heart soar.

He had kept calling every other day, filling the calls with his thoughts on literature, wildlife programmes and the like, knowing his idea of what was interesting was driving her crazy but could tell she was smiling on the other end of the phone. When she got bored talking to him she handed the phone over to Emma on occasions and he made up stories for her. He never asked Lisbon how she felt or how she was coping. She had enough people doing that on a daily basis still he assumed. He had told Annie to give him the heads up if she thought he ought to be concerned but Annie had said she was doing okay. He knew she would. She was the strongest person he'd ever known. He was sure she had terrible nights where she cried herself to sleep but she had a beautiful daughter to take care of. She knew what the death of a parent could do to a family from firsthand experience and that she would ensure her daughter never felt how she had, abandoned and worthless. When she asked about Melanie he told her everything was sorted between them and she had sounded relieved. He felt a wave of guilt rush over him that he had wanted her to sound disappointed.

Things between he and Melanie were strained but, being the professional she was, never let it affect her work. They had even worked on a few cases together but the awkwardness between them was evident. He didn't joke with her like he used to and hadn't embroiled her in any of his schemes. He didn't know how long this was going to continue but hoped some of it would subside in time.

* * *

><p>Jane focused his attention back to Abbott. He had been wrapped up in his own thoughts and only now realised that Abbott wasn't nervous this morning. He looked happy even, a self satisfied smirk on his face. Jane was thrown immediately. This was something either very good for him or very bad. He wondered if Abbott had found a clause in his current contract that meant he was tied to the FBI for another five years.<p>

'So, Dennis, what's up?' Jane managed to say breezily.

Abbott passed a contract over to him (by Jane's reckoning this was the fifth one he had seen) without a word.

Jane pretended to scan the document; he had read the first two and had enough paperwork to go over at the moment never mind reading another one.

'Oh, the new contract? I keep on forgetting, Dennis. I'll have a look and get back to you.' He smiled and went to fold it to put it in his jacket but Abbott's hand landed on the document before he had a chance.

'You might actually want to read this one, Patrick.'

Abbott removed his hand and leaned back in his chair, the smirk back on his face again.

Jane watched him for a second and then put his cup and saucer down on the desk. He leaned over and began to read the document.

Abbott smiled as he saw Jane's expression change from one of suspicion, to surprise, to guarded happiness.

He had him.

* * *

><p>Jane reached the end of the document and looked back at Abbott. He saw the self satisfied smile on his lips and knew his expression whilst reading the document had given him away.<p>

'Is this for real?' Jane asked.

'Yes. We don't all resort to tricks to get what we want, Patrick.'

'You're going to be in charge I take it?'

'It'll be a joint command but yes, I'll still be your boss, god help me.'

Jane nodded, biting his bottom lip before he grinned. 'Who else, apart from me?'

'Cho and Wylie.'

'Not Melanie?'

Abbott shook his head.

'Dennis, just because of our...situation doesn't mean she shouldn't be given this opportunity. She shouldn't have to be penalised for her, well for our, personal life.'

'I'm aware of that Patrick. I've spoken to Carson already and offered her a position there but she wants to stay here. She'll get Cho's job so she's happy, it's still a promotion for her.'

Jane nodded and thought for another moment. He suddenly flipped over the page and signed his name with a flourish.

In a month's time he would be working in D.C.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I think this is the chapter a lot of you were waiting for!**

**I know there is still a lot to be explained in the Melanie/Jane relationship in how it grew from something casual into a marriage but it will covered in later chapters I promise (even though Melanie as a character is pretty much out of this story now).**

**Thanks again for all the lovely comments on this fic, despite the shaky start I'm so pleased so many of you are following it. **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Reactions

Lisbon rang him a day after signing his new contract.

'Hey, Jane, is it true?'

'Is what true, Lisbon?' he smiled.

He heard a familiar huff. 'You know what, that you're coming to work in D.C.?'

'Ah, the FBI grapevine works swiftly. You people must really be in desperate need of my help for the news to come through so quickly.'

He could imagine her rolling her eyes and grinned.

Abbott had explained to him after signing the contract that he had been asked to set up a team to join the Major Crimes Team in D.C. for the more high profile crimes that were to be investigated. Abbott's superiors had been impressed with his team's closure rates and wanted to see if the same could be replicated there in a bigger arena.

'So, do you think you're ready to work with me again, Lisbon?'

'Well I do have an office to myself, the couch is underused.'

'Well that's music to my ears. Although I've made Abbott promise to have the one here shipped up there for the times you will inevitably throw me out of yours.'

'I guess Melanie will be joining the team too. It'll be nice to get to know her. See the person who was able to make Patrick Jane settle into a life of domesticity.'

There was a teasing to her tone. He could tell she was genuinely happy for him if that were the case. There was no getting out of it any longer; he had to tell her the truth. It was only a matter of time before she realised from her end that Melanie wasn't joining this new venture.

'Um, I need to tell you something, Lisbon.'

'What is it?'

'Well, you know I told you that Mel and I had sorted things out?'

'Yeah?'

'Well, we have but not in the way I may have led you to believe.'

'What do you mean?'

'We decided to break up. She's not coming to D.C.'

Silence hung in the air until Lisbon filled it.

'I'm sorry, Jane. But why? What happened? I told you to fix things with her.'

He sighed, trying to figure out how much he could comfortably tell her. 'It just wasn't working out, Lisbon. It was for the best.'

'Don't give me that, Jane. The truth. Since when aren't you able to talk your way around somebody?'

_When I don't want to_. 'I don't know what else to tell you. It wasn't right from the start. We tried to make it work but we couldn't.'

'If it wasn't right from the start then why did you marry her?'

He sighed again, getting annoyed, 'Look, Lisbon. I appreciate the concern but I don't want to talk about it, okay?' In a softer tone he added, 'Can you leave it, please, Teresa?'

'Okay. I'm really sorry though, Jane.'

* * *

><p>After putting Emma to bed that evening Lisbon flopped on the couch. There was a reason why women had children when they were in their twenties and not in their forties. Marcus had been gone over a month now. She was coping well she told herself. Emma had become clingy and didn't sleep as well as she used to but it was getting better. She hadn't woken in the last three nights and crawled into bed with her. She thought of the old adage for alcoholics, one day at a time. She was glad she was in the job she was, she was able to at least take her bad days out on criminals.<p>

Annie came in, going straight to the refrigerator for a beer. She was still living with them and Lisbon didn't know how she would have managed without her.

'Bring me one, will you Annie?'

Annie sat on the couch beside her, handing her a beer and taking a large gulp of her own. Lisbon took a sip of hers.

'Not like you to indulge in a little alcohol on a work night, glad to see you're loosening up, Teresa.'

Lisbon smiled. She had begun to call her Teresa more and more these days. 'Well, I got some news today and tea wasn't going to cut it.'

'Oh?'

'Well the first thing is that Jane and Melanie have split up.'

Annie raised her eyebrows. It was hardly a shock to her. She was just glad he'd finally disentangled himself from a marriage he obviously wasn't happy in. 'Did he say why?'

Lisbon shrugged. 'Not really, just that it hadn't worked out. I can't understand it, Annie, he married her for god's sake. His marriage to Angela was...well I've never seen someone so devoted in all my life. I can't get my head around him allowing this marriage to end after only a year. I know there's more to it than what he's told me.'

Annie knew perfectly well why he'd suddenly made that decision but also knew that it was much too soon to tell her aunt that. But she was damned if she was going to let him drag his feet for years. 'Well it's better it's done with if they weren't both happy, isn't it? No matter what the reason behind it.'

'I guess. Anyway, that leads me on to my other piece of news. Jane's coming to work in my department. Well kind of, his team will be helping ours with the bigger cases.'

Annie grinned at her and gave her a hug. 'That's wonderful, Aunt Reese.'

Annie saw Lisbon shrug, a worried expression on her face. 'Why aren't you happy about this?'

Lisbon replied, 'I was. I mean I am. It's just a lot of change in such a short space of time. And Jane...well he has a habit of overtaking my life.'

'I don't get it.'

Lisbon sighed. 'It's hard to explain. Since we've been apart I've moved on with my life. Got married, had Emma. I've been perfectly happy for years. He has a way of...unsettling things. He'll come back into my life like a tornado and I'm afraid of him disrupting what I have now. After Marcus, I need a little bit of peace and tranquillity to adjust to my life as a single mother.'

Annie liked Marcus well enough, he had loved his aunt with all of his heart and he would never have hurt her a day in his life. And Teresa was happy too, contented with her life how it was. But she would catch her with a faraway look in her eye every now and then when she thought no one was watching, normally when she was having a cup of tea. It didn't take a genius to figure out the significance. She may have been right about the timing of this news but her aunt could do with a little bit more excitement to her life.

'I think it'll be good for you. For both of you. Just lay down the ground rules from the beginning. But I think you're underestimating him. And you can't deny this past month he's been a great friend to you.'

Lisbon nodded. 'I know, you're right, he has. I just hope he understands I have my own life now. I can't be at his beckon call like I used to be.'

* * *

><p>When Jane called her over the next week he could hear the tenseness in her voice. Something was worrying her but every time he tried to coax it out of her he couldn't get a straight answer.<p>

After ten minutes of listening to himself talk, only getting the odd 'oh, right' or 'seriously' back from her he asked, 'Teresa, don't you want me to come to D.C.?'

He had surprised her with the direct question. She replied evenly, 'Of course I do, Jane. Why would you ask me that?'

'Oh, I don't know. Because this past week as I'm getting closer to moving there you're distancing yourself from me. The two things are connected, obviously.'

'It's...it's not that I'm not looking forward to you coming, Jane. Of course I am. I just don't want to be...I don't want to be some sort of substitute for you.'

He frowned. 'What are you talking about?'

She exhaled deeply, deciding to be truthful with him.

'I know you must miss Melanie. And I want to be there for you. Truly I do as a friend. But I don't want to be a replacement for her. You told me you split up a few weeks back. Suddenly you're calling me almost every day. And I know you're partly doing that because I've lost Marcus and you want to be there for me. But I don't want to be used because you miss your wife. And, more importantly, I don't want Emma to be used. If you want to be in our lives then I'll happily accept you back into mine but I can't have Emma disrupted. I don't want you to promise her things and then get your attention drawn away when you begin to see someone else. She's been through enough.'

He wanted to shout at her, to tell her to stop calling Melanie that. To tell her that Melanie had been the replacement, not her. To tell her that he had no intention of meeting anyone else. That the only thing he wanted was to be in her and her daughter's life. That if it meant they only stayed friends for the rest of their lives that he would gladly accept it.

Before he had a chance to respond Lisbon added, 'There's something else.'

Jane rolled his eyes. 'What is it? You want to get a 30 feet restraining order against me while you're at it?'

'Don't be so childish. I realise that you're excited about coming here and I know you're looking forward to us working together again. Despite the headaches you'll no doubt provide me with on an almost daily basis I'm looking forward to it too. You're a pain in the ass but I've missed you. But I'm not the same person I was when I left Austin, Jane. I'm a mother. I was a wife. I've...grown up I guess. I have responsibilities.'

'And you're afraid I'm going to entangle you into one of my schemes where you might lose your job.'

'And my credibility. It's taken a while but I'm appreciated here, Jane. I have people working for me again. I need for you to respect that. To respect me.'

'And you don't want me to mess it up for you like I did at CBI.' His words came out more harshly than he would have liked.

'Look, I was a grown woman then too, I made my own choices. I don't blame you for what happened. But I won't be so easily swayed to follow you now, Jane. That's all I'm saying.'

* * *

><p>After hanging up Jane lay back against the seat in the Airstream and puffed out a breath. He had thought she would be excited he was moving there but instead she was wary. Wary of him upsetting the life she had grown accustomed to. He had screwed up royally over the past few years. He was glad he was patient; he had a lot of work to do to rebuild her trust in him and their friendship, never mind hope for something more in the future. Then he smiled, at least she wasn't indifferent to him coming, that was something to hold on to.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Reconnecting

Lisbon tapped her pen against the form she was completing. Annie had been right. She had underestimated Jane. He had been in D.C. for three months now and he had shown her nothing but respect and followed her rules. He came over two nights a week for dinner and hadn't been late or changed plans at short notice. He played with Emma but always made sure he sided with Lisbon when she had her tantrums. He hadn't invaded her space at work either. He would come into her office now and again but only if he needed to discuss a case. Occasionally they would share lunch there. They had worked together in the field but he hadn't embarrassed her at all. He hadn't drawn her into any of his crazy schemes. Wylie seemed to be his sidekick nowadays for any 'out of the box thinking' as he liked to put it. He was doing everything she asked. She tapped her pen again, a headache forming. So why the hell was she getting annoyed with him more and more every day?

She watched him from her office. The brown leather couch had indeed been shipped from Austin and it sat directly in her line of vision from her desk. He was lying there, his eyes closed in the middle of the day. A sleeping angel. Emma had fallen for him. As soon as he walked in the door when he visited she screamed 'Jane' at the top of her lungs and run to him. She had tried to get her daughter to call him 'Uncle Patrick' or just 'Patrick' but she was having none of it. As Jane had pointed out to Lisbon she had called him Patrick just twice in all the years they had known each other so she was hardly one to talk. The fact her daughter was infatuated with him hadn't surprised Lisbon. Her daughter had her genes so it was inevitable he would worm his way into her daughter's affections without much effort.

She sighed, tapping the pen again. She saw him open his eyes and grin at her. She put her head back down, blushing as she had been caught on staring at him. From the corner of her eye she saw him get up and stretch before strolling into her office, standing in the doorway. He had gone back to his three piece suit days and her mind was transported back to Sacramento as he leaned against the frame, a smirk on his face.

She kept her head down. 'Something you want, Jane?'

Jane watched her for a second. 'You' his mind told him instantly. He said, 'I thought you were looking for me, Lisbon.'

She looked up, the blush from her cheeks subsiding. 'Um, no. Well, yes. What about the Nielson case, any thoughts?'

He smiled, sitting down on the chair opposite her. 'It's strange this, isn't it?' he said instead of answering her question.

She had put her head back down to her paperwork but then lifted it again. 'What is?'

He motioned around her office. 'This. It reminds you of CBI days.'

She smiled, looking around. The building they were in was an older one than the Austin office and due to the increase in staff over the last few months the desks in the bullpen were stacked closer together. 'Yeah, I guess so.'

'I miss it sometimes' he said after a moment.

'You do, why?' She was surprised. Those were the darkest days of his life surely as he battled with Red John.

He shrugged and bit his lip. 'It was easier then in a lot of ways.'

'I don't understand.'

He bit the inside of his mouth. 'We were closer then. We had a...shared goal if you like. Despite the hell he put me through I...I'm glad I met you despite that.'

She didn't know how to respond. Before she had a chance to articulate anything he got up from his seat and smiled at her, lifting a file from her desk. 'I already made notes on the Nielson case' he said, putting the file in front of her and left her office.

* * *

><p>A month later a serial killer named 'The Postman' was at large. He would kill his victims by decapitating them and posting their heads to various Law Enforcement Agencies. He had killed six victims by the time Abbott's team became involved in the operation. It meant Jane was away from D.C. for two weeks as they followed leads that took them to New York. Lisbon and her team liaised with them as they investigated. After a particularly gruesome day Lisbon called Jane.<p>

'Hey, just thought I'd check in before I went home.'

'Hey Lisbon' She could hear the exhaustion in his tone. He had been working the case for three weeks without a proper breakthrough. For most people that would still be early days in an investigation as detailed as this one but Jane was a different matter once he got the bit between his teeth.

'Jane, you have to sleep.'

'Not until I catch him. Not properly at least.'

'You will but having no sleep won't help matters any.'

He smiled down the phone. 'Still trying to take care of me after all these years, huh?'

'Well someone has to. When you get like this I know you won't look after yourself.'

He chuckled softly. 'I miss you.' As soon as he said the words he closed his eyes for an instant. In his tiredness he had let his guard down.

He was waiting for an abrupt end to their conversation from her side. Instead she said softly. 'I miss you, too.' She added in a louder tone. 'I mean, it's pretty quiet here without you.'

He decided to capitalise. 'I thought that's what you wanted when I moved to D.C. Peace and quiet, no fuss, no stepping on your toes.'

'It was.'

'And now all this respectfulness and propriety from me is getting on your nerves.'

'I just miss...I miss how it used to be when we used to work together.'

'You don't have to. I was just waiting for you to realise that.'

'I still don't want to get fired or get into too much trouble.'

'Okay. No firing and just a modicum of trouble. Got it.'

He grinned when he hung up. Things were definitely getting back to normal. With a sudden burst of inspiration he closed his eyes and began to concentrate on the case.

Within a week Jane had managed to pick up enough clues from the evidence to lead the FBI to the killer.

* * *

><p>A week later she caught Jane and Wylie whispering to each other in the break room.<p>

'Okay, what are you two plotting now?' she said, her eyebrows raised.

Wylie blushed instantly under her glare. Jane shook his head. 'Haven't I taught you enough by now, Jason? Deny everything until it's your last resort.'

'Yeah, Jane but it's...Lisbon.'

Jane smiled. The younger man had always been a bit fearful of the infamous Lisbon temper. He suspected he may even have a crush on her. He could hardly reproach him for that.

'Out with it' Lisbon said, her arms crossed in front of her, staring at Wylie. Jane smiled again, she was good, going after the weakest link.

Wylie looked at her, a deer caught in the headlights. Jane sighed. 'Go on, Wylie, show it to her.'

Wylie exhaled, relieved. He opened a bag beside him and showed her a toy robot.

'What the hell is that? And more importantly, why the secrecy?'

Wylie spoke excitedly. 'It's a collector's item, Agent Lisbon. Jane was able to get it from a guy in town by playing poker with him. It's Abbott's birthday next week. It's a surprise. He's going to love it.'

Lisbon laughed. Jane grinned at her as he saw her dimples. He stared at her with unbridled love in his eyes and was just thankful that she was looking at the toy in question before he got it under control.

'You two are idiots' she said, turning on her heels, a smile still on her face.

Wylie caught the look in Jane's eyes as she walked away. 'You should tell her how you feel' he said quietly.

Jane nodded, for once not covering up his true feelings. 'It's still too soon' he replied.

* * *

><p>A surprise party was held for Abbott in the office. Jane's idea, obviously, knowing Abbott would be embarrassed by the attention. Lisbon had a drink with her team and went into her office to get her bag before going home. Jane appeared in her doorway.<p>

'Where are you going?'

'Home, Jane. Where else?'

'But it's only gone six, Lisbon.'

'You remember I have a child, right?'

'Really? I'd forgotten.' He rolled his eyes. 'Annie is looking after her tonight so you could have a few drinks here.'

'That girl. I honestly swear you must have hypnotised her so she tells you every aspect of my life.'

'Nah, she's too strong willed. Not a good test subject.' He came closer to her. 'She just wants you to relax for a little while. You haven't been out one night since Marcus died. That was seven months ago.'

'I have too!'

'Taking Emma for ice cream doesn't count.'

'So what would you have me do, Jane? Get drunk in the office and make out with someone random to get over my broken heart!'

'I didn't suggest that, Lisbon. I'm just saying you need to make time for yourself too. You're a wonderful mother but you're a woman as well. It's not healthy for you or Emma to spend all your time dedicated to her.'

Lisbon laughed out loud. 'You're joking, right? You're giving me advice on how to get over heartbreak? And not only that but you're suggesting I don't put all my effort into one goal in life? Looking after my daughter's wellbeing is a hell of a lot healthier than what you did for a decade!'

She stormed out of her office.

* * *

><p>After calling Annie and realising Lisbon hadn't gone straight home and wouldn't answer his calls he had Wylie track the GPS on her cellphone. He found her at a bar not far from the office, a glass of red wine in front of her. It was mostly untouched.<p>

He sat beside her at the bar. She glanced over at him, unsurprised that he had found her.

'Happy now?' she said. 'I'm out enjoying myself on my own.'

He ordered himself a scotch. 'Well, this isn't really what I had in mind but I'm glad you're taking some time.'

'Go home, Jane. If you stay I'll only say something I'll regret.'

'I'll take my chance.'

After a couple of minutes of silence she said under her breath, 'I feel guilty.'

'Well, it so happens I'm an expert in that particular field so maybe I can be of some help.'

She smiled faintly at him. 'How can you do that?'

'Do what?'

She shrugged. 'I don't know. Make me feel better without saying much.'

He smiled and went back to the topic. 'What do you feel guilty about?' His eyes bored into hers. 'I won't judge you, Lisbon. Whatever it is.'

She struggled trying to find the words. He put his hand on hers and rubbed circles into the top of it with his thumb. She looked down at his hand and whispered, 'I should miss him more than I do.'

She finally looked up and him and he nodded. 'It's hardly a crime, Teresa. We all grieve in different ways and different timeframes.'

She nodded. 'I loved him but...these last couple of months I feel...somehow liberated in a way.'

She took a large gulp of wine before she continued. 'I mean he did everything he could to make me happy but sometimes...sometimes...'

'It was too much.'

She nodded, staring into her wine.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Birthday Surprise

Lisbon called Annie to let her know she would be home in an hour or so and that she was just having a drink with Jane. She heard unbridled joy in her niece's tone, telling her to take all night if she wanted.

They moved to a booth at the corner of the bar.

'You know that girl is a hopeless romantic' Lisbon said, shaking her head.

Jane smiled into his drink. 'Nothing wrong with that, Lisbon.'

'She always liked you from the first day she met you at CBI.'

'I taught her how to pickpocket, of course she liked me, who wouldn't?' he replied.

'She told me about a case she solved last week. It had Patrick Jane fingerprints all over it.'

He grinned at her. 'Oh? How so?'

'She got the guy to confess by lying to him about his wife having an affair, saying she was going to leave him. He was so outraged that he confessed to murdering her.'

'You mind me helping her?'

'No. I just don't want her turning into you. One of you in my life is more than enough.' She smiled, taking a sip of wine and relaxed into the booth.

Lisbon looked down at the wedding ring on her finger and then glanced across at Jane's bare finger. 'When did you take it off?' She motioned with her eyes to his finger. 'I don't mean the one you had with Melanie, I mean the first one. Was it when you got remarried?'

Jane shook his head. 'No. A while before that. You think I just swapped them out that day?'

Lisbon shrugged. 'It's so strange seeing you without one. What made you decide it was time?'

_When I realised it wasn't a ring from Angela I wanted on my finger any longer, it was a ring from you._ 'Not sure. I just knew it was time to move on with my life. It didn't mean I wouldn't always love her, I just knew it was time to put the ring away.'

He saw a blond at the bar eyeing him up. 'Although I have to say wearing a wedding ring does have its advantages some of the time.'

Lisbon noticed the blond too, she was not being subtle in the looks she was giving him. 'Don't let me stop you' she teased.

Jane put his arm around her shoulder. 'God. Perish the thought. Besides, I'm here with you, I'm not interested.'

'Chicken. Using me like a human shield.'

He whispered into her ear, giving the impression he was kissing it. 'You would too if you had a predator looking at you like that.' His words came out huskier than he would have liked. He was enjoying this role play a little too much.

Lisbon giggled, the glass of wine releasing enough inhibitions that she played along by snuggling her body into him and putting her hand on his chest playfully.

Jane tried to calm his heartbeat. If she moved her hand an inch she would feel it pumping in his chest.

After a minute the blond decided to give up and turned her attention to the man beside her at the bar. Lisbon moved away from Jane. 'Think you're safe now' she smiled, oblivious to the desire taking hold of Jane. He had to stop himself from pulling her back into his arms. Reluctantly he removed his arm from her shoulders and took a huge mouthful of scotch.

Lisbon fiddled with her wedding ring. 'Emma's going to be three in a few weeks.'

Jane was glad of the change in topic. 'I know. What are you planning?'

'Not sure. Party I guess. I'll no doubt have at least ten three year olds wreaking havoc in my house.' She puffed out a breath.

'You need a magician?'

She grinned at him. 'Seriously?'

'Of course. You know I love a captive audience.'

She shrugged. 'Great. At least that's the entertainment taken care of.'

* * *

><p>Lisbon and Annie watched as Jane entertained thirteen children on the day of the party. Lisbon wasn't sure who was enjoying the show more, Jane or the children. After sending the rest of the children home with party bags she looked around her living room. Toys, wrapping paper, food and spilt drink and ice cream littered the place.<p>

Annie went to bath Emma, the easier option than tidying up the mess. As Lisbon began to clean up Jane put the kettle on. She grinned at him as she put some wrapping paper into a bin bag.

'What are you smiling at?' he grinned back.

'You do realise you have glitter all over your face?'

'So? I think it suits me. Might be the new look I've been searching for.'

'Oh please can I be there when you show it off to Abbott?'

He laughed out loud, pouring out two cups. As he handed one to her she said, 'Thanks, Jane. For today. You were great.'

He shrugged. 'I enjoyed it, Lisbon. It's been a while since I was at a kid's birthday party.'

He sipped his tea and she knew he was thinking of Charlotte.

'I never really understood' she said quietly. 'Losing a child. I mean I empathised naturally but the thought of something happening to Emma-'

She stopped, tears suddenly streaming down her face.

Jane put their cups down and encircled her in a hug. It was much for his comfort as for Lisbon's. There was nothing he could say to stop her fears. He could tell her that nothing would ever happen to her but from bitter experience he knew that wouldn't necessarily be the case.

'I don't know how you survived it' she cried into his chest.

'I didn't, remember? Mental Hospital for six months?'

'Even so. After that-'

He pulled her face up to him. 'After that I met a certain petite firecracker CBI Agent who told me to pull myself together. Then she became the best friend I've ever had. Who saved me from the nightmares I had just by smiling or shouting at me every day. Who always believed there was still a good person inside despite proving to her on numerous occasions I was far from that most of the time.'

Lisbon smiled as her tears subsided. Jane brushed them from her cheeks with his thumbs. He gazed at her, entranced by the glimmering emeralds staring back at him. He didn't remember where they were. Time seemed to stand still in that instant. He ran a finger down her cheek, resting it on her chin. He didn't even try to read her. He was incapable of breaking the spell her eyes had cast on him. He moved instinctively. He gently pulled her chin up as he bent down. He paused for a second as she blinked. Somewhere in his mind he realised she wasn't going to stop him. So he closed his eyes and placed his lips on hers. It was no more than a feather's touch as their lips collided. Their mouths closed he tasted lip balm and chocolate ice cream. He pushed his lips a little harder onto hers. After a moment he felt hands in his hair, rifling through his curls gently. He felt her kiss him back, still gentle and unsure but it was enough for his knees to almost buckle. He pushed her against the counter behind her. He was moving fast and his mind told him to slow things down but his body was incapable of listening. He pushed his tongue to her lips and slipped it into her mouth as she parted her lips. He moaned as he felt her heart race and she grabbed his hair tighter. He was panting as she returned the kiss with equal fervour, their tongues duelling. He didn't know how long the kiss lasted. It felt both an eternity and a millisecond. She broke apart first, pushing him back, breathing heavily.

He tried to catch his own breath. 'Lisbon' he managed to say, but his mind wasn't yet capable of thinking any further than that word.

Then he saw something in her face. An emotion he couldn't identify. Guilt? Regret? Fear? He shook his head, willing his brain to start functioning again.

'Jane, that shouldn't have happened.'

The words were out of her mouth before he had a chance to quash them.

'Lisbon-'

'Jane. I'm sorry. I can't. I can't do this. I can't do that. Not with you.'

She was at the door and had opened it before he could move from the spot.

'Please, Jane. Can you go home?'

He walked to the door and looked at her as she avoided his eyes. 'Teresa, please. We need to talk about this.'

'No. We don't.' She finally looked up at him. 'We never talk about this again.'

* * *

><p>Lisbon shut the door behind him and pressed her back against it. She and Jane had just kissed. Not just kissed, they had made out with each other. Her mind was a blur. Annie came back into the living room humming to herself.<p>

'Rugrat's clean. I've drained the bath but she wants her mom to dry her.' She looked around the living room. 'Jane gone? You haven't got too far with the cleaning up.'

Lisbon mumbled, 'Yeah, he has. Sorry, I'll do it when I put Emma to bed.'

She went to walk out of the living room but Annie caught her wrist. That seemed to bring Lisbon out of her trance. 'What, Annie?'

Annie studied her face for a second, noting the glitter that had suddenly attached itself to her aunt's cheeks and around her lips. 'Nothing' she smiled, letting her wrist go. Annie grinned as Lisbon went to dry off her daughter. Her aunt wasn't wearing any glitter when she went to bathe Emma fifteen minutes before. But Jane was.

* * *

><p>After Lisbon had put Emma to bed she was surprised to find her niece tidying up.<p>

'Who are you and what have you done with my niece?' she joked.

'Ha Ha, Aunt Reese. You're hardly the tidiest person yourself most of the time, unless you're in one of your cleaning frenzies.'

Lisbon smiled. Then she eyed the two cups of mostly full tea on the kitchen counter. She swallowed and poured them down the sink, the memory of Jane's lips on hers making her heart flutter.

When she turned around Annie was grinning at her like a Cheshire cat.

'What?' she asked.

'Nice glitter' her niece replied.

Lisbon closed her eyes for a second and dropped her shoulders. 'I hate the fact you're a cop sometimes, you know that?'

She went over and flopped on the couch, pushing her head back into it and closed her eyes, sighing.

Annie pushed a glass of wine into her hand.

Lisbon looked at her sideways. 'What, you trying to get me drunk so I'll tell you what happened?'

'No but I thought you might need it. It's been a long time coming.'

Lisbon laughed, surprising herself. She took a large sip before she became serious again. 'It was a mistake, Annie. Don't get your hopes up. It was a moment of weakness for both of us.'

'Bullshit!'

'Look I know you have this idea that Jane and I will somehow find our happily ever after but that isn't going to happen. Believe me. Please. If it was ever going to it would have occurred long before now. He was feeling vulnerable and so was I. That's all it was.'

'Is that what he said?'

'He didn't need to.'

'You're wrong, Aunt Reese. He's been in love with you for years.'

'You told me that once before, remember? On my wedding day? You know what happened then. He could have stopped me but he didn't. I know he cares for me. And you're probably right to a certain extent that he does love me. But he's not _in_ love with me, Annie. I thought he wasn't capable of ever giving himself to another person but Angela but it wasn't that. I obviously wasn't what he was looking for. He married someone else after all, not me.'

'And they broke up after a year, Teresa. You said yourself that was strange. You think it was just a coincidence that he suddenly leaves his wife as soon as Marcus is out of the picture? If there's one thing he's taught you is that there are no such things as coincidences.'

Lisbon put her head in her hands. 'I don't know, Annie. I can't think about it. Marcus hasn't even been dead a year yet, for god's sake. I'm not ready to jump into another relationship. Especially with Jane of all people even if he did want that.'

Annie put her arm around her aunt. 'Aunt Reese, he's in love with you. He's just been an idiot about it for years. And Marcus was a good man. He wouldn't want you to pass up on a chance to be happy again.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know there are still plenty of unanswered questions between Jane and Lisbon but I'll get to them, I promise. Would love your thoughts, as usual!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Truths

Jane arrived at work the next morning, having hardly slept. She was already at her desk with her head down. He puffed out a breath. He had decided overnight that he was going to tell her how he felt. Tell her everything. Maybe it wasn't the right time and maybe she wouldn't even want him anymore but as he had replayed the kiss the night before in his head he knew there was a chance for him. It hadn't just been him kissing her, she had kissed him back.

As he approached her office Cho blocked his way, his arms crossed in front of him.

'What did you do?' Cho asked, pointing his shoulder at Lisbon's office behind him.

Jane blinked rapidly. 'What? Nothing. Why?' he lied. 'What has she said?'

'Nothing. But she's straightening her desk items. She only does that when you've made a monumental cock up.'

'Oh' Jane smiled.

'I'm serious Jane, if you've done something stupid I need to know. Abbott'll have my ass for this. And Lisbon's too if you've involved her in it.'

Jane rolled his eyes. 'How come when Lisbon's in a bad mood I'm always to blame?' he smiled, pushing past him.

He walked into her office and closed the door, sitting down on the chair opposite her. She hadn't lifted her head and made no attempt to engage him at all.

'Well, this is mature' he said evenly after a moment of silence.

'I told you last night, Jane. We have nothing to talk about' she replied, her eyes staring at the paper in front of her.

He cleared his throat. 'You asked me a question on your wedding day.' He saw her pen hover over the paper but she kept her head down.

'If you recall I never gave you an answer. I'd like to do that now.'

She stopped and looked up at him finally, tapping the pen against her lips. He felt his chest constrict as he tried to read her expression, the magnitude of what he was about to say overwhelming him as he looked into her eyes. It would have been easier if she had kept looking down.

She leaned back in her chair and raised her eyebrows, her expression made of stone.

'Yes. My answer is yes, Teresa.' He exhaled, relieved he finally had the courage to tell her how he felt.

She continued to stare at him, her face still expressionless and he wondered for a second if she heard him.

He decided to make sure. 'Lisbon? Did you hear what I said?'

'Yes' she replied. She moved back in front of the paperwork on her desk and began to complete a form. 'Thanks for telling me. Let me know when you have anything to add on the Marsden case.'

When he had decided on this course of action during his sleepless night before he hadn't thought much of what would happen afterwards. He had pictured scenarios where she would burst into tears and hug him or throw herself at him (although he had quickly discounted those particular notions after no more than a minute in indulging himself in them). He had decided it was more likely that she would be angry at him waiting so long and would demand an explanation. But ambivalence? It had never entered his head and he didn't know what to do about it.

'Teresa? About last night-'

'I've already told you twice, Jane. I don't want to discuss it. Let's just forget about it. Now if there's nothing else I'm busy.'

He was about to press on but at that moment Cho came into the office to discuss a new case with them. He seemed relieved that Lisbon hadn't thrown anything at Jane. Jane wished she had, it was easier to deal with an angry Lisbon than whatever the hell this was. Jane listened half heartedly as the two agents discussed forensics and suspects. As much as he tried he could find nothing on her face to say that she had been affected by his statement.

* * *

><p>After a couple of days where Cho had dragged him to Boston to investigate a kidnapping of a socialite he arrived back in D.C. and went straight to her house. They had a standing arrangement where he came to dinner on Wednesday night. When she opened the door she didn't seem surprised.<p>

'Hey, Jane, come in, we're just getting pizza, hope that's okay. I'm not long in from work.' She said the words like she would have a week ago. He was beginning to think he'd lost his mind. Had he imagined the kisses they'd shared and his declaration a few days earlier?

Emma ran up to him and took him out of his thoughts, practically jumping into his arms. 'Jane!'

'Hey honey, good to see you' he grinned, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. 'Ah, I see you had grape juice and a ham sandwich for lunch.'

She nodded enthusiastically, amazed at his mind reading. At least he had one Lisbon (well a half Lisbon) that he could still impress.

'No Annie?' He said, looking around.

'No' Lisbon replied, cutting the pizza. 'She's working late.'

He nodded, sitting on the couch, as Emma began to draw a picture on a piece of paper on the coffee table in front of him. He smiled as he saw blond hair being added to a stick figure of a man. He had a collection of drawings from her on his refrigerator at home.

Lisbon stood beside him, looking over at the drawing and rolling her eyes. It was the first normal behaviour he had noticed from her since they had kissed. He looked at her sideways and chanced a smile.

After dinner he watched as Lisbon cleaned the tomato sauce from Emma's face, both of them laughing as she did so. She had always been a nurturer but it still amazed him sometimes when he saw her behave like a mother, the love in her eyes for her daughter the purest and most undiluted type. He couldn't help compare the scene to Angela and Charlotte, they had that special bond too.

Lisbon looked at him suddenly, somehow detecting his thoughts and threw him a quick smile before getting Emma ready for bed.

'I'll make some tea while you do that' he said, informing her that he wouldn't be going anywhere without a discussion happening between them.

He saw her face flicker between acceptance or whether to stand off against him on the matter. She sighed and shrugged finally. 'Fine' she replied.

* * *

><p>A half hour later she came out of Emma's bedroom, closing the door quietly. Jane was sitting on the couch, a teacup in his hand. Lisbon had found three cups and saucers in her cupboards suddenly one afternoon.<p>

She poured a cup for herself and sat down beside him.

'So, you're obviously not going to give up on this. What do you want to talk about, Jane?'

'Us, Lisbon, what else?'

She shrugged, taking a sip of her tea. 'I don't know what you want me to say.'

'Well you could begin by telling me how you feel about what I said.'

She chortled softly. 'I don't think you want brutal honesty on the subject from me, Jane.'

He could see the fire in her eyes, burning slowly. She was getting angry, better that than the nothingness he'd endured for almost a week.

'That's where you're wrong, Teresa.'

She put her cup down and looked at him. 'You sure?'

He nodded.

'Okay then. It doesn't matter to me. You had your chance and you blew it.'

'I don't believe you.'

'That's your prerogative.'

Jane found himself getting worked up. 'Goddamnit Lisbon! Stop acting like a robot!'

She got off the couch and went over the kitchen. She was surprised when she turned around and he was in front of her. He looked like he was ready to kill her. She folded her arms in front of her chest.

He could hardly keep it together. 'And what about the kiss the other night? Are you going to tell me that that didn't matter either?'

'It was a moment of weakness, nothing more.'

He came closer to her, effectively pinning her back to the counter.

'And what about now?' he growled. His eyes flicked to her lips as he came closer. His mouth met hers hungrily, all thoughts of chasteness gone from his mind. She reacted immediately, pulling him towards her in a kiss that made him emit a loud moan. His hands skimmed her breasts as she panted, her body arching into his, her fingers beginning to undo his vest buttons quickly. He pulled her blouse from her jeans and let his hands roam under it to the bare skin beneath. She threw the vest to the ground and began to unbutton his shirt, her lips tasting the bare skin of his chest. He kissed her neck, sucking her pulse point as his thumbs ran over her nipples, hard already under her bra. They breathed heavily, their kisses almost bringing both of them beyond the point where they wouldn't be able to stop.

Somewhere in his mind he told himself to pause before that happened. He had to know what this was before it went any further. He pulled himself away from her, expelling a loud breath. She looked at him, dazed and confused.

He stared at her, blinking to make his mind work. 'What is this to you?' he finally asked.

'What? What do you mean? I'd thought it was obvious.'

'The only thing that's obvious is that you want to have sex with me, Teresa. I'm asking you what it means to you if we do.'

She let out an exasperated sigh. 'Jesus, Jane! Why do you have to overanalyse everything! Why can't sex just be sex?'

He nodded, sighing and began to button his shirt.

'What do you think you're doing?'

He picked up his vest from the floor, putting it back on. 'Going home. I'm not about to be a one night stand for you, Lisbon.'

'You certainly didn't seem to mind a moment ago.'

'That was when I thought it was more than that. I don't want to have sex with you, Teresa. I want to make love with you.'

Lisbon rolled her eyes, buttoning up her blouse. 'Oh, please, where are you from, the 18th Century?'

'I know you're afraid that I'll hurt you. And you're probably also afraid of getting serious with anyone, even if it isn't me. I can't blame you for that. You lost someone that you allowed into your heart. You know I empathise. It's easier to keep people at arm's length. I'm an expert at it, after all. Easier to pretend that something isn't happening when it is. That's how I coped all those years at CBI, telling myself that I thought of you as a sister, mother figure, platonic friend. Anything that would stop me from telling myself the truth of how I felt. That I'd fallen in love with you.'

As Lisbon's eyes widened, Jane walked over and kissed her gently on the cheek. 'You know where I am when you're ready to accept the truth of how _you _feel, Teresa.'

He lifted his jacket and walked out the door, leaving Lisbon utterly dumbfounded.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks again for all the wonderful support for this story, it means the world to me!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 11 - Explanations<p>

Three days later Lisbon arrived at Jane's front door. He had rented an apartment near the office. He had been away on a case since they last spoke. Their only communication had been case related and that had been accomplished through using Cho or one of Lisbon's team as mediators.

After closing the door behind her he ran his hand through his hair, unsure of how this conversation was going to go. She would have a lot of questions and he was nervous at how his answers would be interpreted.

As he opened his mouth to begin the dialogue she spoke first.

'You asked me for the truth of how I feel' she stated.

He nodded blindly, trying to read her expression.

She walked up to him and punched him clean on the nose. He toppled to the ground, blood pooling around the blow. He shook his head, his hand reaching for a handkerchief in his pocket and he patted his nose gingerly. Not broken, he thought to himself, pushing it lightly. He must have a nose made of titanium.

Lisbon paced the room, waiting for him to recover.

As he rose to his feet he said, 'It's been a while since I've had a Lisbon punch, glad I can still take it.'

He walked over to his kitchen, taking an ice pack out of the freezer and putting it to his face. 'Tea?' he asked, reaching for the kettle with his other hand. He found it hard not to smile, despite the searing pain in his nose. A reaction like that at least meant she still cared.

She walked over and took the kettle from his hand as he struggled with filling it and keeping the blood at bay. 'I'll do it' she muttered under her breath. 'You sit down' she ordered.

By the time she had poured the cups he had removed the ice pack and put it on the coffee table in front of him.

'Thanks' he said softly, taking a sip. He winced as the hot steam hurt his nose.

'Don't be such a baby' she replied, taking a sip herself. Then she looked at him, studying his face. 'You okay?' she asked, a little more affection in her tone but still obviously annoyed.

'Yeah' he replied, looking down. He chanced a glance over. 'Unless you want to kiss it better.'

She looked at him, wide eyed. 'You did not seriously just say that.' Still annoyed, he thought, but a little more warmth in her eyes.

He shrugged, smiling, looking down again.

'You obviously have a lot of questions' he said after a moment.

'You said you'd fallen in love with me when we worked at CBI. Was that true?'

He sighed, taking a sip of his tea. 'Yes.'

'When?'

He shrugged. 'Honestly I don't know specifically. It was a build up I guess. Like I said, I denied it was happening for years.'

She nodded. 'Why did you never tell me?'

'Back then I couldn't. Red John-'

'Please Jane, don't use that excuse on me.'

He turned around to her fully. 'It's not an excuse, Lisbon. If he had known-'

'He already knew I was the most important person in your life. He asked for my head, if you recall. No one else's. Mine. He probably thought we were involved in that way, like lots of people did at the time.'

Jane nodded. 'I think there was a pool if I remember correctly. I didn't know you knew about it.'

'Of course I knew. And stop changing the subject.'

He puffed out a breath. 'Okay, I admit. I knew you were already his prime target. He wasn't the only reason I didn't tell you, well not directly.'

'So what was?'

'Lots of reasons. I was afraid if something happened between us that it would make me weaker, that I wouldn't be able to complete my vengeance. That it would make me lose my focus, let my guard down. That he would take advantage of that.'

'Okay. What about when you came back from South America? Did you still love me then?'

He replied softly. 'Of course I did. I still do, Teresa.'

She blinked rapidly, looking away from him and taking a sip of her tea. She wished he'd offered her wine in that instant.

'You want something stronger?' he asked, reading her thoughts.

She shook her head. She needed to be lucid to get through this.

'So, why not then, Jane?'

'You were different when I got back. You had lost your trust in me. You still resented me for leaving the way I did. You hardly wanted to spend time with me. I knew how you felt about me at CBI but when we began working together at the FBI I was thrown. I didn't know if you felt the same way anymore. You told me to stop controlling your life so I tried to do that. I hoped that things would get back to how they were between us, to build your trust up for me again. Just as things were getting back to normal-'

'I met Marcus.'

He nodded. 'Yes. And before you say it I know you gave me ample opportunities to stop you from coming here to D.C.'

'So why didn't you?'

He exhaled deeply and shrugged. 'I was torn. Not by how I felt about you but...he was a good man, Teresa. Much more worthy of you than I was. Than I am.'

Lisbon shook her head, the anger boiling up in her once more. Her leg began to shake in annoyance.

'If you're going to hit me again, can you do it in the stomach, I don't think my nose can take another punch tonight.'

She rose to her feet and began to pace again. 'At this moment in time I want to do more than punch you, I want to beat the living daylights out of you! Don't you think that was my decision to make with the full facts in front of me? If you had told me how you felt at least I could have made an informed choice, you idiot! And you said you were trying not to control my life? Well, what do you call that?'

'I thought I was doing the best thing for you, Lisbon. I was trying not to be selfish.'

'Well you picked a fine time to take the moral high ground!'

Jane rose to his feet to face her. 'Look, I admit I screwed up, Teresa. But you're not blameless in all of this either. You went to D.C. when you had feelings for me. You married him, for god's sake when you still did.'

Lisbon looked away from his stare. 'I don't want to talk about that, Jane.'

Jane's eyes widened. 'Oh, so it's okay for you to tell me where I went wrong but I can't do the same! Why did you marry him when it was obvious to me that day that you weren't in love with him?'

'I did love him!'

Jane scoffed. 'Yeah, you loved him, he was good to you. But you weren't _in_ love with him that day, Teresa.'

'What the hell else was I going to do! You obviously didn't want me but he did. Or at least that's what I thought at the time. I didn't want to be alone for the rest of my life, Jane. Like you said, he was a good man. And I_ was_ happy with him. Maybe I didn't love him fully when I married him but I grew to in time.'

Jane nodded, sitting back down on the couch and sighing loudly. 'I know that, Teresa. I saw it that day when I went to visit you in the hospital after you had Emma.'

Jane's eyes misted over and he ran a hand through his hair. 'You asked me when I took off Angela's ring. It was that day on the way home. It suddenly felt like a mockery to still wear it when my heart already belonged to someone else.'

Lisbon sat down beside him. 'That's why you didn't come visit us afterwards?' she asked softly.

He nodded, pursing his lips. 'I know I'm a masochist but it was too hard to watch what I could have had. What I did have once.'

'God, for the smartest man in the room you really are an idiot sometimes.' Lisbon put her head in her hands.

He chuckled softly beside her.

She looked back up at him. 'What about Mel? You never loved her? Is what you're telling me now?'

He shook his head. 'No. I never did. I was fond of her but...that was all it ever was.'

'But you married her, Jane, how could you do that if that was all there was to it?'

He looked her in the eyes. 'You managed it. You married someone you weren't in love with and then you fell in love with him. I thought I could do the same.'

He added, 'When we began seeing each other it was just a casual thing. That went on for months.' He looked at her sheepishly. 'I'm not proud of how I acted, Lisbon. You had just got married and I...-'

'You were lonely.'

He nodded. 'After that we got closer I guess. She understood me in her own way. She knew how I felt about you-'

'You told her that!'

'Yes. And she got it. Or at least I thought she did. But then as time went on she wanted more from me. She was getting tired of my constant mood swings and how I was all over her one minute and giving her the cold shoulder the next. I could hardly blame her. Like I said, I wasn't proud of myself. I felt her pulling away from me and I knew it was just a matter of time before she gave up.'

'So you married her to get her to stay with you.'

'I kept on thinking about you going to D.C. About how I didn't stop you. I honestly don't know where my head was at. So, I asked her to marry me, yes. To make sure she didn't leave me. I convinced myself I was never going to find someone else to take me on like she had. And, like I said earlier, I thought I could grow to love her. So we eloped and went to Vegas that same night.'

He looked down at his bare left ring finger. 'As soon as we'd got married I knew I'd made a mistake. I kept on thinking about the day I married Angela and how happy I was then. When Mel put the ring on my finger I...felt nothing.'

Lisbon shook her head. 'I don't know what to say, Jane.'

He smiled over at her. 'You've already said it, Lisbon. I'm an idiot.'

* * *

><p>Lisbon sat on the couch as Jane fetched them each a glass of wine.<p>

'I'm driving, Jane.'

He nodded, taking a large sip of him own. 'So...what now?'

Lisbon took a small sip, savouring the flavour in her mouth. 'I don't know.'

He nodded. 'I know I've gone around the houses but...is there a chance for me? For us?'

'I don't know, Jane.'

He nodded, taking another sip.

'If it was just me then maybe but-'

'You have Emma to think about. I understand.'

'If we start something up then it would have to be for keeps, Jane. It couldn't be something that either one of us would run away from if it got tough.'

Jane gazed into her eyes. 'I'm done running, Teresa. I love you and I love Emma.'

'I need time to think.'

'Take all the time you need, I know you've just taken in a lot. And if this isn't something you want to take a chance on I'll understand. I'll still be your friend for as long as you want me to be.'

As he saw her to the door she touched his nose gently. 'Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital with that thing?'

He smiled, unable to stop himself from running a thumb down her cheek. 'I'm good, Teresa. Goodnight.'

She nodded, pulling away and walked out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Restart

Jane and Lisbon had settled back into a routine of sorts over the next couple of weeks at work. They worked cases together and the banter they relied on for so long began to re-establish itself. They were both masters in this type of emotional avoidance and it didn't surprise either of them that this had occurred so quickly after their discussion. It had been almost like old times except for the fact that Jane didn't disguise his affection for her any longer. She had caught him at least five times smiling slowly at her with a longing in his eyes that he never allowed himself to express before. He never did anything without a reason behind it and she knew that he had purposefully let her see him like this, making sure his desire for her hadn't dampened but that he was content to give her the time to let her make the choice she needed.

Home life was much the same too. He still came for dinner twice a week although he had started to hang out a little more at weekends too when they weren't working. They hadn't kissed again apart from a kiss on the cheek he always gave her as he was leaving her house after visiting. She had almost turned it into a full blown kiss one evening but he had held steady, a small smirk on his lips the only indication that he knew what was on her mind.

* * *

><p>It was a Wednesday night and Emma was in one of her moods. Jane was used to them somewhat by now, when she had first had a full blown tantrum in front of him he thought he had gone partially deaf in one ear by her screams. He had learnt that as soon as she had expelled her frustration and cried her heart out she changed into a sweet little girl again almost instantly. Lisbon was nearly pulling her hair out as Emma threw an entire pot of children's paint over her own head.<p>

'I thought the terrible twos were over!' Lisbon said, shaking her head at her screaming daughter.

'Emma Aoife Pike! Stop that caterwauling right now!' she added, sternly.

'Where the hell's Annie when you need her?' Jane asked, as he tried to wrestle the paint pot from her. For a three year old she had a surprisingly tight grip.

'Don't swear in front of her, Jane! And she's on a stakeout.'

'How is saying 'hell' swearing, Lisbon?' He replied, finally unfolding the tiny fingers from the pot. By this stage Emma had started to whimper and Jane relaxed his shoulders, the worst was over.

'You really want to talk about this now?' Lisbon glared, as she tried to remove her daughter's top, soaked in blue paint while she gave her kisses to settle her.

Just then Lisbon's phone rang.

'Oh, god, who the hell is that?' Lisbon sighed, handing Jane the soaked top.

'What word did you just use, Teresa?' Jane laughed. Emma had calmed down just as quickly as her temper had flared and began to giggle along with him.

He grinned at her. 'I remember when your mother used to say sheep-dip' he whispered to Emma, picking her up to take her to the bath.

As he entered the kitchen to let Lisbon know he saw her standing in the middle of it with the phone in her hand. Her face was white.

'What is it?' he asked, oblivious to the blue paint Emma was now plastering onto his hair to get it off her hands.

She turned to him. 'It's Annie. She's been shot.'

He flinched at the news. 'How bad?'

Lisbon shook her head. 'I'm...I'm not sure. They wouldn't say much over the phone. She's in surgery.'

Jane nodded as his breathing hitched. 'Go. I'll take care of things here.'

Lisbon looked at him and nodded.

* * *

><p>After she left he bathed Emma, the normality of the situation trying to get his mind off the worst case scenario. He thought the world of Annie and didn't know how he would cope never mind Lisbon if something serious happened to her.<p>

He smiled down at Emma as she blew bubbles up at him and played with a purple rubber duck.

'Purple ducks, eh, they make no sense whatsoever, you realise?' he said to her as she shot him a smile. He sat on the floor of the bathroom as she splashed around merrily as the water turned blue. It had been the first time he'd bathed her and he naturally thought of Charlotte at that age. He swallowed a lump in his throat. Emma suddenly moved over towards him and put her two wet arms round his neck, somehow sensing his wistfulness.

'You're so like your mother, you know that?' he said, kissing her forehead. 'A soft heart hidden under a hard shell.'

* * *

><p>An hour later he had finally managed to find pyjamas that she was happy to wear. She looked at the bed and then looked out at the living room. She knew something was up. This wasn't her normal bedtime routine.<p>

'Where's my mommy?' she said, as he pulled the covers over her.

'She's busy helping Annie, sweetheart. She'll be back soon.'

'You promise, Jane?'

He smiled every time she called him that. 'Yes. I promise, Emma. She'll be back in the morning at the latest. I'm going to be right outside if you need anything, okay?'

She nodded and asked for a story, satisfied with his explanation. It was lucky that she was used to her mother being called to cases at all times but this was the first time he had looked after her than for her to be deposited with Annie, a babysitter or brought into the office for the other agents to look after.

She took the liberty of not having an authoritarian like Lisbon in charge and asked for four more. He was helpless to refuse her and it kept his mind from thinking about what was happening at the hospital. She had fallen asleep at the beginning of the last one but Jane stayed and read it to her anyway. He brushed a curl from her cheek and kissed it, sighing, remembering the last night he had put Charlotte to bed.

When he entered the living room he sat on the couch and put his head in his hands and sobbed. He hadn't cried like that since the night he found Angela and Charlotte. Between the mistakes he had made in his life over the past few years, to the memories Emma had dredged up in him to the thought of losing Annie he couldn't keep them at bay. Afterwards he told himself he should have allowed himself that freedom years ago. Crying really was cathartic, if exhausting. He pulled a throw from the back of the couch over him and lay down awaiting news.

* * *

><p>Lisbon got back to the house a little after 5am.<p>

When she opened the door she saw Jane lying asleep on her couch. Before waking him she went to check on Emma. She kissed her forehead but she was still fast asleep. Jane had probably indulged her in a late night.

She walked back into the living room and sat on the coffee table, watching him for a minute. A smile formed on her lips as blue streaks jutted out from his blond curls.

She tapped him on the shoulder. 'Jane, wake up, I'm back' she said quietly.

He opened his eyes, blinking. Lisbon noticed they were red rimmed. It looked like he had been crying.

'Lisbon? How is she?' he asked, clearing his throat and moving into a sitting position on the couch.

Lisbon nodded, smiling. 'She's going to be okay. Shoulder wound. It was come and go to get the bullet removed but she's going to be fine.' Lisbon's voice broke as the last words came out.

Jane breathed out deeply. 'If I believed in any god I would thank him. Or her' he replied.

Lisbon nodded, emitting a small hysterical laugh.

'Come here' Jane said softly, pulling her beside him on the couch.

She sat beside him and they put their arms around each other as Jane stroked her hair.

'You do know you have blue paint in your hair, right?' she said.

Jane chuckled, kissing the top of her head. 'Actually, no, I didn't.'

'You look ridiculous.'

He chuckled again. 'And you smell like antiseptic, my dear.'

Neither had to vocalise their thoughts on the near miss Annie had just had.

She laughed into his chest. She moved her head to look him in the eyes. 'Thank you for taking care of Emma last night, Patrick.'

Jane's eyes widened at the use of his first name. 'Patrick? You're clearly exhausted to call me that. Or else maybe you should have had an MRI when you were at the hospital.'

She smiled and leaned in for a soft kiss. He placed the palm of his hand on her cheek, kissing her gently back.

'Why didn't you change your surname?' Jane asked, as she snuggled back into his chest.

'Mmm? You're asking me that now? Why?'

He shrugged. 'Just when you called Emma 'Pike' last night. It made me wonder why you never changed yours when you married.'

'Honestly? I didn't like the name. 'Pike' I mean. Teresa Pike. It didn't seem to fit me. '

He held her tighter. 'I'm glad. I don't think I could have got used to it.'

'You would have kept calling me 'Lisbon' even if I had.'

'I daresay I would. So...Patrick, huh? Why all of a sudden?'

She paused for a moment before looking back up at him. 'Well, if we're going to do this dating thing then I might as well try to get used to it.'

He smiled back, his fingers moving over her cheek. 'You sure? Maybe you should wait until you're not so emotionally wrung out before deciding.'

'I'm sure. I've been thinking about it a lot this past week. But I want to take things slowly.'

She blushed as she added, 'Especially with the physical side. It's been a long time since I've been with anyone but Marcus in that way. I know I was ready to have sex the other week but you were right, that was just a-'

'A physical want, not an emotional one. I get it, Teresa. That's fine.'

She nodded. 'And I don't want to tell Emma until we're sure it's working out. Okay?'

Jane nodded. It was only natural for her to still have some residual guilt by entering into a relationship so soon after her husband's death. He would have agreed to any terms. 'Anything for you, Teresa' he replied, kissing her tenderly again.

* * *

><p>Jane went to visit Annie later that day in hospital. He peeked his head in the door, followed by at least a dozen balloons.<p>

'What the hell are you doing, Patrick?' she laughed, clutching at her shoulder.

'A little over the top, you think?' he grinned as he pulled them inside.

'Yeah, just a bit.'

After placing them in a corner, he walked over to the bed. 'How are you feeling?'

'I'm in pain and the staff here seem to enjoy making me suffer' she glared at him.

He smiled back, rocking on his heels. 'You want to get out of here?'

'Seriously? I can go?'

'No' he replied, laughing out loud. 'I only asked if you wanted to.'

She smiled in spite of herself. 'Oh, funny. You're in a good mood today. You just come around to watch me die of boredom in this place? Nothing better to do?'

He sat on the edge of the bed, a frown suddenly on his face. 'Don't get shot again, all right?'

Her expression softened. 'I'll certainly do my best. It's not the most pleasant experience, believe me.'

He nodded and pursed his lips.

'I'm glad you two are giving it a go' she said softly. 'It's about damn time' she added, a little louder.

He looked back up at her, surprised. 'How did you know already?'

'I didn't until just now' she grinned back.

He shook his head and chortled. 'I've taught you too well, grasshopper.'

Now it was time for her to look surprised. 'Grasshopper? What does that mean?'

Jane rolled his eyes. 'You have a knack of reminding me of how old I am sometimes.'

'Yeah, you are so you don't have time to screw things up with my aunt again. Understand?' Despite her injury she held his eyes in a steely gaze.

He stared back at her with the same intensity. 'No one understands that better than me, Annie.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I wanted to give Emma a second name so picked an Irish one for her. Hope you like it. It's pronounced ee + fa. It's the name of a great Irish woman warrior and means, joy, beauty and radiance. Thought it might fit her nicely. Would love to have your views, as usual.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - Holiday Season

Jane pulled his long black woollen coat around him as he crouched in front of the body. He had grown too accustomed to warm weather and the freezing cold wind in D.C. made him barely able to talk.

Lisbon stood opposite him, seemingly unconcerned by the bite of the wind as she talked to her team. She had obviously got used to the cold winters.

'Jesus, cold enough?' Jane said, his teeth chattering. 'Why couldn't the murderer deposit the body in a nice warm hotel room than leaving it in the way of this horrific cross breeze?'

Lisbon stopped speaking to her team to face him, giving him a smile. 'Grow a pair, will you? You'll get used to it. Now what do you see?'

They had been 'dating' for two weeks now. The first time they had gone to dinner both felt nervous. Lisbon had changed the dress she wore five times. They sat at the table fidgeting for five minutes and discussing the weather before they began to laugh. They had no idea how to act in this new dynamic suddenly. On a whim, they had fled the fancy restaurant Jane had booked and went to get pizza at a small family run restaurant instead. There they relaxed and discussed what they normally did, Emma mainly, work, Annie. It felt both familiar but also different. Jane touched and held her hand every chance he got and Lisbon flirted with him, pleased to see the normally self assured Patrick Jane blush as she did so. He had driven her home and given her a chaste peck on the lips. She reminded him that she wanted to take things slow but that she wasn't his sister and pulled him towards her for a mind numbing kiss before exiting the car.

'Jane?' Lisbon said. She bent down to face him. 'Stop looking at me like that' she said quietly. 'We're at work, remember?' she admonished but with a small smile playing on her lips.

Jane realised he had been staring at her with what he assumed was an expression that would tell anyone within a ten block radius that he was a man in love.

'Did I do it again?' he smiled back. He didn't feel the cold bite at him any longer as she grinned back.

* * *

><p>The murder was solved quickly and Lisbon took her coat off, sighing as she went back to her office.<p>

Jane leaned on the doorframe. 'Sorry. You should have told me you wanted this one solved in a little longer a time frame.'

'What do you mean?'

He came closer, perching himself on her desk and looked at her, his eyebrows raised. 'You should have told me you didn't want to go to Chicago for Thanksgiving. I could have misdirected the investigation for a few more days, given you a chance to back out.'

She blushed and smiled widely. She placed her hand on his knee lightly, seeing his pupils dilate as she did so. Her tone was seductive. 'Since when do I have to tell you I don't want to go to Chicago for Thanksgiving?' She paused and then added, 'I can only imagine there's an ulterior motive for you actually solving this case so quickly to ensure I go there. So what is it?'

He leaned in closer, his fingertips on her elbow, drawing her nearer so he could whisper in her ear. 'A selfish motive, what else, Teresa? It means I get you and Emma to stay here over Christmas. With me.' He kissed her earlobe gently before moving away.

* * *

><p>While Lisbon and Emma (and Annie) were away in Chicago Abbott invited Jane and Wylie over to his house. It hadn't been the first time Jane had spent one with his family. He and Melanie had done so over the past couple of years in Austin. Abbott's wife Marsha was an amazing cook and his children Luke and Helena were great kids.<p>

Marsha was a sweet woman who idolised her husband but who could be a tyrant with him if he ever stepped out of line. In truth, Jane didn't really come just for the food. He enjoyed the entertainment when his boss would invariably get a dressing down from his wife who stood at least a foot smaller than him and had the same petite frame as Lisbon. On this occasion Abbott hadn't put the potatoes in the oven in time. Jane grinned and dug Wylie in the ribs as he saw the big man try to placate her.

As Wylie played on some type of game console with Abbot's children Jane helped Marsha clear up. Abbott had already fallen asleep in an armchair after she had fed them all half to death.

He dried as she washed dishes.

'I was sorry to hear about you and Melanie, Patrick.'

Jane nodded. 'It was for the best.'

'I wondered when you two were both going to come to your senses.'

Jane smiled, taking a plate from her wet hands. 'You don't beat around the bush, do you?'

'So, you and Teresa, huh?' she countered, raising her eyebrows.

'Me and Teresa, what?' he smiled back.

She leaned in conspiratorially, 'My husband will owe me $100 dollars if you are an item by Christmas. So, can I collect?'

Jane chortled. 'Depends what you mean by 'item' I suppose.'

'Are you together now?'

'No.'

She looked crestfallen until he added, 'She's in Chicago visiting her family there.'

'No wonder my husband has so many headaches with you. Can you never give a straight answer? '

Jane shrugged. 'Not much fun in that for me' he grinned. 'What's the truth going to get me in return?'

Her eyes widened. 'Dennis was right. You never do something for nothing.'

'Occasionally I do. But why do that when I can gain something?'

She laughed and exhaled loudly. 'Okay, what's your price?'

'Your roast potatoes secret. You add something to them, I want to know what it is.'

She whispered, 'Goose fat and polenta.' She faced him again, crossing her arms. 'Now spill.'

'Yes, we're together. It's early days but so far so good. We haven't told Emma yet, Teresa wants to wait a little while longer.' He couldn't help a soppy smile come across his face.

'Good. About time too.'

* * *

><p>As soon as Lisbon came into her office the first day back from Chicago she was greeted by a coffee sitting on her desk and a bear claw in a white paper bag. She grinned and looked into the bullpen but Jane was nowhere to be seen.<p>

Just as she had taken a mouthful of the bear claw he appeared at her door, causing her to choke.

'Easy, Lisbon, if you're that hungry I'll buy you another' he grinned, a teacup and saucer in his hands.

He took a quick glance into the bullpen to check no one was looking before kissing her on the cheek. 'I missed you' he whispered in her ear. 'Both of you.'

She grinned and gave him a quick peck on the lips. 'We missed you too. I'm so glad Thanksgiving comes only once a year' she sighed, throwing herself into her chair.

'That bad, huh?' he replied, taking a chunk of bear claw.

'Hey! Get your own!' she laughed, snatching it back.

He took a sip of his tea. 'Well, now it's over _we_ can move on to the fun stuff.'

She raised her eyebrows. 'Isn't in here a little bit too public for that kind of thing?'

'Get your mind out of the gutter, Lisbon. I was talking about Christmas. Not long to go so we need to get your house decorated.'

'Um...yeah...I guess so.'

'Oh come on, Lisbon. Don't tell me you've told Emma that Santa doesn't exist. I remember that speech you gave on Christmas being a Holy day that would be ruined by giving children some happiness at the same time.'

'_That_ is not the speech I gave!'

Jane shrugged. 'Well, I'm paraphrasing.'

'To answer your question, no. I haven't told her that. You'll be glad to hear she's as deluded as I was at her age.'

'Excellent. So, what's say I come over later and help you dig out the Christmas stuff you have so we can see what needs to be added.'

Lisbon sighed. 'Is there any point in telling you 'no'?'

Jane merely grinned back.

* * *

><p>After Emma went to bed they went to Lisbon's garage to find the boxes. Jane was surprised how many they were. He saw Lisbon run her fingers over a glass ornament with 'Baby's 1st Christmas' on it, a faraway look in her eye. It wasn't the type of sentimental gift Lisbon would have bought Emma but he knew who had.<p>

'You can talk to me about him, Teresa. I don't mind' he said softly.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. 'Marcus bought this for her. I told him it was tacky and wouldn't let him put it on the tree for days. It wasn't long after the birth and I'm guessing my hormones were still raging. I was a right bitch to him sometimes, especially then.'

Jane nodded. 'When Angela first had Charlotte she once locked me out of the house because I forgot to bring her some carrots home. Had to spend all night in my car.'

Lisbon burst out laughing. 'Carrots? Seriously? And how could she lock _you_ out of the house?'

He chortled back. 'Well, I agree I could have picked the lock but I think the car was a safer option that night.'

She placed the ornament back in the box as she took out some lights. 'I never asked you at CBI but I always wondered...' Lisbon bit her lip.

'What?' Jane said, examining some tinsel.

'What did you do on Christmas Day?'

Jane sighed. 'Oh, that. I used to go to my house in Malibu, spend the day there on my own' he replied matter of factly.

'But...wasn't that incredibly depressing?'

He thought for a second before replying, 'Yes, unbearably so.' He pursed his lips and shrugged.

Lisbon's lips curled into a smile. 'So, then why did you do it for heaven's sake?'

He shrugged again, a smile forming on his lips. 'I have no idea really. I loved to punish myself any way I could back then.'

She bent over and kissed him softly on the lips. 'I'm glad those days are over.'

He kissed her back, his hand moving to the back of her head to pull her closer. 'Me too. Now, let's try out those lights.'

* * *

><p>A week later Lisbon looked around her living room, shaking her head. It looked like Santa, his wife, his elves and his reindeer had decided to take up residence there. She knew it had been a mistake to stay at work late and allow Jane to decorate in her absence. But she knew Emma would love it. Annie, still on sick leave due to her gunshot wound, had taken her to the mall to buy Lisbon her Christmas present.<p>

Jane arrived back from the kitchen, a self satisfied smirk on his face as he looked around the living room. 'Come on, Lisbon. Cheer up. Don't pretend you don't love it.'

She shook her head and grinned. 'I sometimes wonder who the three year old is around here.'

He sat on the couch beside her and put his arm around her, pulling her in for a long kiss. Lisbon felt something brush across her cheek. She opened her eyes to find Jane holding some mistletoe, now over their heads.

'Seriously?' she smiled.

'You can't deny me a kiss when I'm holding this' he replied, beginning to nuzzle her ear.

'Since when do I deny you kisses?' she said, her hand moving to his hair.

'Mmm. Good point. Okay then, I don't want you to start' he replied, his tongue brushing over her pulse point that was beating wildly.

She moaned and pulled his face back up and kissed him passionately, her tongue darting into his mouth. Jane dropped the mistletoe so he could wrap both arms around her, one hand caressing the skin just below the bottom of the jumper she wore, the other at the waistband of her jeans. Their kiss deepened as Lisbon pinned Jane back on the couch, her fingers tugging the first button of his shirt and opening it, her fingers brushing over his neck gently. He moaned in return, his hand edging further up her back. She moved so she was almost straddling him. They had been together for a month now and things were heating up each time they made out. Jane's self control could only last for so long as he pulled away from her. 'We need to stop, Teresa' he managed to say, breathing heavily, his hand still on her back.

'I know' she panted back, her forehead on his. 'I can't take much more of this' she admitted, extricating herself from his embrace.

'So why are we torturing ourselves still? Remind me, please?' he begged, as he composed his breathing. It had long gone past of the point of this being a mere physical attraction on her part and both of them knew it.

Before she could answer Emma and Annie burst through the door, Emma's eyes widening and her mouth opening in a brilliant smile as she saw the magical sight in front of her.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter has some M rated material in the last section, nothing too explicit but if you blush easily feel free to skip it. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. Reviews make my day. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 14 – Release<p>

As Emma dragged her mother off the couch to look at the decorations Annie settled on the couch beside Jane.

She looked at him sideways. '_That_ could have been awkward' she smiled.

Jane ran a hand through his hair. It wouldn't have taken a genius to ascertain Lisbon and he had just been making out by their flushed faces and startled expressions.

Annie whispered, 'Aren't you two a bit old to be still at second base by this stage?'

Jane rolled his eyes and looked at her. 'You really want to have a conversation about your aunt's sex life?'

'From what I can gather she doesn't have much of one yet.'

He rolled his eyes again and moved off the sofa to wind up a musical snowglobe for Emma. As the tones of 'Winter Wonderland' filled the air and Emma was fully engrossed in them he whispered to Lisbon, 'I love you. I don't mind waiting. I didn't mean to pressure you earlier.'

Of course it was killing him waiting but it had to be her decision and despite how heated things got between them there was something still making her hold back. Something he hadn't figured out yet. If Emma and Annie hadn't walked in or he hadn't stopped things he knew she would have.

Of course some guilt at making love with someone after Marcus was expected but he didn't think that was what was making her hesitant. Not anymore. Once they made love he was expecting those feelings to surface and had readied himself for them but he didn't feel that they would stop her acting on her desires in the first place.

She had been afraid of loving someone again but over the past month she had given him no indication that she was hesitant in showing affection to him and that she wanted to be in love and to be loved by him. As he shook the snowglobe in front of Emma he glanced back at her trying to figure out the reason for her hesitation. Even after all these years she was still a puzzle to him some of the time.

* * *

><p>As she walked him to the door later she stood on her porch with him, the door ajar behind her.<p>

'I'll see you tomorrow' he said, kissing her cheek.

She put a hand on his arm to stop him before he turned to go. 'Patrick. I'm...I'm-'

He kissed her hair and pulled her towards him. 'Hey, I meant what I said earlier. I'll wait as long as you want, Teresa.' He withdrew and looked in her eyes. 'Cold showers are good for you, I hear' he smiled.

She laughed softly. 'I think I'll be having one of those myself tonight' she replied.

She sighed, 'I do want to. You know that, right?'

He nodded. 'That's obvious enough. Look, if there's anything that's troubling you... If it's something I need to do or say just tell me, Teresa. As much as I can read people I'm not psychic as you well know. If you need reassurance of my feelings-'

She shook her head. 'It's not that.' Her eyes flitted from side to side. He saw a hint of a confession drift across her face but just as quickly saw her shut it down again. 'I need to get back to Emma. Goodnight, Patrick. Thank you for the decorations, she adores them.' She kissed him on the cheek and went back inside.

* * *

><p>The next few days were spent in a frenzy of gift buying. Christmas day was two days away. Jane and Lisbon were at his apartment sitting on his living room floor wrapping Emma's presents while Annie babysat. Lisbon's little girl had her mother's fine detection skills; she had already searched through practically every cupboard at home to find hidden gifts so they would be kept here until Christmas Eve night when Jane was going to bring them over after she went to bed.<p>

Jane made them both eggnog as he hummed away merrily, putting a bow on a present.

'You really like this don't you?' Lisbon grinned at him. 'The whole Christmas thing.'

Jane shrugged, 'What's not to like? Giving presents and seeing the faces of those you love light up, who wouldn't love it?'

Lisbon took a first sip of the eggnog. 'Jesus, Jane! How much brandy did you put in this?'

Jane smiled at her devilishly. 'I'm trying another tact. Get you so drunk so I can take advantage of you. Is it working yet?' he grinned.

She smiled back at him and shook her head. 'Now I know better than anyone that that would be a hollow victory for you, Patrick Jane.'

'You're right' he replied, taking the glass from her and kissing her milky moustache away quickly before moving back to looking at the gift in front of him.

**M rated territory from now on**

She didn't know if it was the heat of the brandy or Jane's kiss on her lips but she suddenly pushed the present between them out of the way and launched herself on top of him, her mouth back on his in an instant. He fell back to the floor, his legs under her as she kissed him again greedily.

'Lisbon' he gasped, the surprise of the attack stopping his body from reacting to her for a moment. But as she lay on top of him and darted her tongue inside his mouth to quieten him no amount of biofeedback was helping him keep an erection from forming as she lay on top of him with a fierce wildness in her desire. It was her turn to gasp now as she felt his want for her. This only drove her on more and she began to unbutton his shirt buttons quickly.

'No' he whispered urgently, trying but not managing to stop himself from kissing her back with ferocity.

'What?' she panted, her lips now kissing the small tuft of hair in the middle of his chest.

'No' he said, a little louder, gaining some control back and making her stop and look up at him.

'I thought this was what you wanted. What we both want' she said, catching her breath.

He pulled himself away from her and sat up so that he was on the floor with the palms of his hands on the carpet beneath him. She knelt in between his legs, eyeing him quizzically for a further explanation.

He exhaled a loud breath. 'Not like this. I want our first time to be special, Teresa. I don't want to rush. I want to be able to take my time. For us both to take our time. You can only stay another hour or so and that won't be nearly enough time.'

She huffed and got to her feet. Annie was going out with some friends later so she had to get back to look after Emma in a little while. 'Jesus, you really are a goddamned romantic, aren't you?' she said, shaking her head.

As he stood up he was relieved to see she wasn't angry and didn't see this as a rejection. Perhaps whatever reason she was hesitating had dawned on her again, giving her cold feet in any case.

He put his arms around her from the back and kissed her neck. Unfortunately for him, this closeness to her only brought his erection back to life.

He heard her chuckle lightly. 'I think you'll need more than a cold shower tonight.'

She turned around to him to find him blushing at her, embarrassed at his lack of self control. 'I feel the same' she said. 'I'm...I'm-'

'Frustrated as hell. Yeah, I know, tell me about it' he smiled, sighing.

She nodded, blushing herself now and kissed him on lips quickly. As she went to move past him he stopped her and pulled her into his lap on the couch. A moment later he moved her legs so she faced him, her legs straddling him. How the hell had he managed that in about two second flat?

'What are you doing?' she smiled. 'I thought we didn't have time for whatever the hell seduction you're planning?'

He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. 'We don't. But we do have time to get rid of that frustration of yours. For tonight anyway' he said softly, his lips dancing on her ear as he spoke the words.

Lisbon shivered at his touch and blushed. 'You...You don't have to do that. I'm okay' she whispered but could feel her heart race.

He continued his soft kisses down her neck, his words coming out like smooth butter. 'I know I don't have to. I want to.'

He stopped and looked at her as she continued to blush, her eyes darting from side to side. '_If_ you'll let me. _If_ you want me to.'

She just stared at him for a moment as he continued to gaze at her. His hands rested on her hips and he didn't move a muscle. It suddenly registered in her head that he was asking for permission. She licked her lips and gave him an almost imperceptible nod. He smiled widely and pulled her a little closer to him.

He began his kisses again, lightly touching her neck and grazing her cross. She put her hands on his shoulders and closed her eyes, his kisses were feather light but their touch on her skin lit up her nerve endings. He continued kissing her, indiscernibly moving further across and down her chest and collarbone with each contact. He moved a hand from her hips and opened a blouse button slowly, his lips caressing the skin as it was exposed. This continued for the next three buttons. He was kissing her cleavage now, licking it and making his kisses a little more pronounced on her skin. He felt her heart pump rapidly in his ear and her breathing become more ragged, her hands digging into his shoulders.

He moved back again and put both of his hands to her face, cupping it and kissing her mouth gently. Lisbon could barely kiss him back and wondered briefly if he had somehow hypnotised her into the trance her body was now in. He whispered something in her ear but she couldn't hear it at first, her mind entirely taken up with how he was making her body tingle. 'Teresa' he said, kissing her ear after saying the word a little louder, 'May I take your blouse off?'

She faced him again, his words registering and she nodded. She questioned for a second why he had asked her that, he could surely read her to know that she wanted him to but perhaps this was his way of making certain she still wanted him to continue, his way of ensuring she still felt in control. He smiled softly, his lips on hers again, this time in a long slow kiss as his tongue danced inside her mouth. She felt herself respond to him but it was almost like an out of body experience as her mouth and her tongue instinctively joined his.

When they parted from the kiss, Lisbon's blouse was removed. He shot her a little self satisfied smirk and she blushed as a small almost hysterical giggle emitted from her.

Then his face was serious with passion again, his pupils darker than she had ever seen them and she bit her lip, nodding again for him to go on. Nobody had ever kissed her or touched her with so much reverence and she was enthralled by it. As he moved one hand to caress her breast over her bra, he pulled her closer into his body with the other one. His erection was fully formed now but, thankfully, his biofeedback was working again so he felt sure he could control it. At the feel of his erection Lisbon instinctively went to touch it but Jane's hand moved to stop her at lightning speed. How he had done this so deftly as his mouth was now sucking on her bra clad nipple she had no idea.

He stopped nuzzling her breast and said, 'This isn't about me. It's about you', pulling her hand back and placing it on his shoulder again, his mouth now on the other breast.

She held his shoulders tight then moved one hand to the back of his head, her fingers teasing the hair at the bottom of his neck. She felt him respond as he groaned into her breast and his breathing sped up. His kisses were harder now, gentle nips and grazing his teeth against the cloth of her bra. She automatically began to grind into his erection, establishing a rhythm. He moved a strap of her bra down, nuzzling her shoulder and biting on it gently as he did so. He pulled the other strap down so that the top halves of her breasts were now exposed. His tongue danced over them, licking them and kissing them as his hands went back to her hips, pulling and pushing them back and forward and at first continuing the rhythm she had set. Then he sped it up a little. She responded immediately, her fingers now clenching his hair, her breaths coming out in ragged pants, moving faster and pushing her body into him. He moved his lips back to her neck and collarbone, pulling her closer into him, allowing her to feel how much he wanted her. Her breathing came in shorter and shorter bursts and he felt how close she was to the edge. He moved his lips back up to hers again, his tongue roughly entering her mouth as he increased the pace again of moving her body against his. She sucked on his tongue before moving her tongue around his lips, kissing him back intensely as her hips sped up again. She could feel all control leave her body and she dipped her head onto his shoulder, panting wildly. He whispered her name in her ear between soft kisses. 'Just let go' he murmured. 'I love you, Teresa.'

The first wave of orgasm hit her like a tornado, hard, fast and wild. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, her hands clenched in Jane's shirt. She could barely breathe but then felt Jane pull her so her entrance was at the tip of his erection, clothes and underwear the only barriers between them. He pulled her face back to him, hungrily kissing her and then put his hands on her jean clad ass, beginning a rhythm with her hips again, a rapid one this time, pushing and pulling her onto him again. Another wave flooded her as she came again, this time shouting his surname at the top of her voice. Her entire body shook with the force of it and Jane held on to her as she rode it out.

Afterwards he pushed her body a little further away from him but still kept her in his lap as she laid her forehead against his chest. He closed his eyes, stroking her hair and concentrated on controlling the flow of blood between his legs. It took almost every ounce of focus to manage it. She eventually lifted her head to gaze at him and shook her head. He managed a small smile and brushed a hair from her sweat drenched cheek before kissing it gently.

She didn't look embarrassed, just inquisitive.

He smiled again, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. 'That was a first for me too.'

'But...but you didn't even touch me. I mean at least not where I normally am for that to happen.'

He smirked before a wide grin filled his face. 'Not bad, eh?'

Then she laughed, one of the heartiest laughs he had ever heard from her and he found himself joining in.

'You've really never managed it like that before with anyone?' she asked outright.

He shook his head, still grinning.

'Oh god, this is going to be another thing you're going to be big headed about, isn't it?' she said, rolling her eyes but smiling.

He shrugged, a wide smile still on his face.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter is pretty much purely fluff, I just wanted to indulge myself. Hope you like it.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 15 – Gift Giving<p>

Once Lisbon had finally managed to get Emma to bed on Christmas Eve called Jane to come over to her house with the Christmas presents. It had taken six stories and numerous threats of no presents from Santa for her finally to consent to falling asleep.

While Lisbon waited she went to the fireplace and picked up a photo of her, Emma and Marcus. She ran a finger down his face and swallowed a lump in her throat. He had loved Christmas almost as much as Jane and they would have spent this night wrapping last minute gifts and going over plans for the next day. This year she was spending most of Christmas day with another man and a wave of guilt rushed over her. Marcus and she had talked about what might happen if one of them were to die, perhaps a morbid conversation for some couples but for two FBI agents it seemed natural and necessary even before Emma was born. She had cried instantly when he told her if something were to happen to him that the only thing he wanted was for her to be happy, that it was the most important thing to him. Even if that meant finding someone else to love after he was gone. His words resonated with Jane's the night he had turned up on her doorstep with the cannoli.

He had rarely asked about Jane when she first moved to D.C. with him, he was content in trying to show her a good life and to making memories with him than mentioning another man. However, after a couple of months living together he'd found Jane's letters stuck in the back of the closet and he'd been devastated. He'd grilled her about what they meant and asked her why a man she said she'd never even kissed had sent her love letters when he was on the run. She could certainly understand the reaction, if it had been the other way around he would have ended up with a punch in the face. But Marcus was more hurt than angry. In the end she had been the one who had gotten angry and told him he shouldn't have been snooping in the first place. That was easier than trying to explain the nature of her relationship with Jane, both to Marcus and to herself, her leaving Austin still raw at that stage. He had asked her just once after that why nothing had ever happened with Jane. It wasn't long before their wedding and he obviously needed his own reassurance. She had told him that they were just friends, nothing more and that no one would ever replace Angela in Jane's heart. It had been the truth then. But now her heart soared at the thought of him loving her in the same way. But not as a replacement for Angela, she would never want that but she hoped she sat alongside her in it.

She looked at the present she had got Jane and she smiled widely at it. She was pretty sure for once in her life she would surprise him with a gift he wouldn't be able to guess. Right on key, soft taps on the door resembling what she thought was a well known Christmas tune announced his arrival.

She grinned and opened the door. 'Jingle Bells?'

'Good ear', he replied, kissing her quickly. 'Come on, it's freezing out here, give me a hand.'

After five minutes the gifts were stacked around the tree and spilling onto the floor.

'I've gone a little overboard, haven't I?' she asked, biting her lip.

'Aw, so what. It's only natural you want to spoil her, especially this year' Jane replied, putting his arm around her shoulder and kissing her head.

'Yeah, I guess so' she sighed, placing the back of her head on his chest.

'How are you doing?' he asked, 'It's your first Christmas without him too.'

She turned around and kissed him softly. 'I'm okay. I was a little sad earlier but I'm better now.'

'Good' he replied, kissing her back.

As they lay on the couch and watched Christmas Eve turn into Christmas Day, Jane pulled his arm tight around her and closed his eyes. He chuckled to himself, making Lisbon turn around to face him.

'What are you laughing at?' she smiled.

He cupped her cheek. 'Just thinking that Christmas miracles maybe do happen after all.'

Lisbon rolled her eyes. 'I'm sorry I asked. You're even cornier at this time of year.'

Jane grinned back, kissing her passionately. 'Sorry, was that cornier you said, Lisbon? I thought you said hor-'

Lisbon's eyes widened. 'Patrick Jane! Remember there's a child asleep in the other room. None of that behaviour' she laughed.

'Not even a little?' he whispered in her ear, nibbling it.

She answered him by kissing him like it was his last wish. Afterwards she got off the sofa and smiled down at him. 'That's all you're getting tonight.'

Jane grinned back at her as she rummaged in her bag for something. She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to him.

'Is this my Christmas present?' he asked, sitting up on the couch to open it. 'You could have wrapped it at least.' He stopped before he unfolded it. 'If this is a complaint about me at work then can't you wait to tell me off until after the holidays?'

'If it was a complaint about your behaviour at work then I'd give you a box of papers, not one sheet. But, as you know, Abbott has the pleasure of doing that paperwork now, not me.'

He chortled and opened it. He scanned the page and looked up at her. 'Are you sure about this?'

Lisbon nodded, sitting down beside him. 'Yes. It's just an overnight stay but I'm hoping that will give you enough time for whatever you're planning on doing with me. Just remember, I'm a middle aged woman, so no acrobatics' she teased.

Jane smiled and looked at the sheet of paper again, a booking for a cabin in a national park not far from D.C. for the first week in January.

'What about Emma?'

'Annie's babysitting. She'll be back from Chicago for New Year's Eve.'

Jane nodded. 'And time off work?'

'I talked to Abbott and Don. It's all agreed.'

Jane shrugged and looked at her. 'Sounds like you've thought of everything.' He saw a moment of panic rush across her face. 'Teresa, there's no hurry on this. I don't want to put a deadline on this that you think you have to make.'

She sighed and nodded. 'I know. But I want this too, Patrick. I'll be ready by then, I promise.'

He put his arm around her shoulders. 'You don't need to promise me that. Even if all we do is spend the night holding each other I'll consider this one of the best Christmas presents I've ever had.'

She got off the couch again suddenly. 'Oh, this isn't your Christmas present.' She took a small rectangular object out of her bag, gift wrapped in Christmas paper. She handed it to him. 'This is' she said proudly.

He took the box off her, studying her face for clues as to what it was. He shook the object but no noise came from inside. He eyed her curiously as his hands moved around it. 'Bubble wrap underneath the wrapping paper, really?' he said as she grinned back at him.

She shrugged, continuing to smile.

He placed it on the coffee table in front of him and gazed at it. 'You're quite proud of yourself with this one, aren't you? He smiled.

She shrugged again.

'Mmm. Interesting.' He picked the object back up again, weighing it in his hand. 'Not much weight but some.'

'You have no idea, do you?'

'Okay, you got me. No. It's a box of some sort obviously but what's in it that could make you so happy I don't know. Can I open it?'

'In the morning when you come over for breakfast.' She took the gift back and put it in her bag.

'Lisbon! Why give me a present I can't open?'

'Big elephants can always understand small elephants' she replied, laughing.

'Using acronyms against me too, eh, I sometimes wonder why I love you at all. Lucky for you, I'm not so petty.' He pulled out a small box from his jacket pocket and stood up, handing it to her.

She unwrapped it to find a velvet jewellery box. Her mouth opened, 'Jane-'

'Don't panic, woman, it's not an engagement ring. Not this year at least.'

She blushed and opened the box to find a small brooch of a bird made with what looked like tiny sapphires. It was art deco style and Lisbon loved it instantly. She grinned when she realised the significance.

'It's a blue bird' she said, her eyes shimmering with tears as she looked at him.

'I hope it makes up for how much of a jerk I was to you that night' he said softly.

She wrapped her arms around him as the tears fell.

'Does that mean I can open my gift now?' he asked hopefully, kissing her hair.

'Nope' she replied, her arms still around his neck.

* * *

><p>After a little while Jane went to get his jacket. 'I better go home, I'm going to need all my energy for you two tomorrow' he grinned.<p>

'You can stay if you want' Lisbon said, as he slipped his jacket on. 'I mean, on the couch. You've helped so much with all the presents don't you want to see her open them?'

Jane nodded. 'There's nothing I'd rather but...I think it should just be the two of you in the morning. If I'm suddenly there instead of Marcus it might upset or confuse her-'

Lisbon nodded back. 'Of course, you're right. I wasn't thinking.'

She walked him to the door. 'I hope next year I'll see it, though' he said, kissing her gently. 'You'll video it for me?'

'Yes, to both statements' Lisbon replied, kissing him back.

* * *

><p>Jane arrived the next morning having barely slept. He couldn't wait to see Emma's excitement. He heard her laughing and Lisbon unsuccessfully trying to calm her down before he got to the door.<p>

'Thank god you're here' Lisbon said, shaking her head, opening the door, dressed in an old dressing gown with her hair a mass of unruly curls. He wanted to rip that dressing gown off her and carry her to bed. He loved it when she looked dishevelled and not in control of herself.

'Everything good here?' he laughed, kissing her cheek.

Emma ran up to him immediately, showing him this toy then another and dragging him around the room to tell him what Santa had brought her.

'Can you watch her while I take a shower?' Lisbon said, still harassed.

'Of course, take your time.'

* * *

><p>Lisbon came back out a half hour later dressed in a dark green dress, fitted at the waist but with a flared skirt that went to her knees. It fit around her bosom perfectly but was still respectable enough for Church.<p>

'Wow' Jane mouthed to her, as he made pancakes while Emma had settled on one toy for the time being.

She blushed and went over to Emma, wrestling with her to get a red dress patterned with snowflakes and a pair of black leggings on her. She had eventually managed it as Jane had finished making the breakfast. He had made snowman pancakes, covering them with icing sugar and placing blueberries where the eyes, nose and buttons would have been. He flamboyantly added some maple syrup for a mouth that made Emma scream in delight.

Lisbon touched his hand after he'd done that as she saw him look at her daughter with a tear visible in his eye. 'You okay?' she mouthed to him, giving it a squeeze.

He nodded, swallowing a lump and smiled at her, squeezing her hand back. They both knew that he had no doubt made these for Charlotte too.

After breakfast Lisbon made Emma decide on one toy to bring to Church with her. She clarified that it had to be one that didn't make some kind of noise and that she could carry. While she was making her choice Lisbon pulled Jane's gift out of her bag.

'I'm a little surprised you didn't just take this last night from my bag.'

'I was sorely tempted but it's Christmas, thought I'd try to behave myself for one day at least.'

Jane opened it. As he had ascertained bubble wrap covered the box. He got a pair of scissors and cut it away to find a wooden box.

He grinned at her. 'A Japanese puzzle box?' He shook it, still no sound coming from inside. 'You got a hammer handy this time too?' he teased her.

She laughed back. 'That's me. You, on the other hand, love puzzles. You'll have it opened by the time we get back from Church I imagine.'

As Emma was engrossed in playing with two dolls he kissed her fully on the lips. 'Thank you.'

'You haven't even opened it yet, then you can thank me.'

* * *

><p>Lisbon and Emma went to Church and then visited the cemetery. Lisbon had brought some flowers for Marcus' grave. Emma clutched her hand tightly. 'I miss Daddy' she said.<p>

'I know sweetie, I miss him too. But he'll always love you, always remember that, Em.'

Emma nodded. 'I like Jane.'

Lisbon nodded. 'I know. Me too.'

'Do you love him, mommy, like you loved daddy?'

Lisbon shrugged, deciding honesty was the best policy. 'Yes I do. Is...is that all right with you if I do?'

Emma nodded. 'He's funny. He makes me laugh.'

'He makes me laugh too.'

'If you love him like you did daddy then you should kiss him on the lips' Emma said.

Lisbon smiled at her little girl ordering her around. 'You're right, maybe I should start doing that. Good thinking.'

'Is he going to live with us too?'

Lisbon swallowed a lump in her throat. 'Um...I don't know. Maybe someday. Would you like that?'

Emma nodded again. 'He could make me pancakes every morning then.'

Lisbon smiled at her, kissing her cheek. 'I daresay he'd be happy to do that if he lived with us.'

'Okay then' Emma replied, hugging her mother.

* * *

><p>As they reached where the car was parked at the bottom of the cemetery Emma saw one of her friends from day-care who was visiting her grandfather's grave. They rushed over to each other, enthusing about the presents they received. Lisbon made polite conversation with the girl's parents until she saw a familiar sight drive into the cemetery's car park. She excused herself from the couple who said they'd be happy to keep an eye on Emma for a couple of minutes.<p>

As he pulled up he was still wearing the grin on his face that she had saw from the gate.

He got out of the car as she grinned back, closing the door slowly and feeling the soft metal afterwards. In front of her stood Jane, the once familiar sight of his arm now resting on the top of a baby blue Citroen and eyeing her questionably, a wide smile on his face.

'You like it, then?' she asked, innocently.

'How on earth did you find this?' he said, shaking his head.

She walked closer to him, brushing her hand across the cold metal. 'I had an alert out on it when you went to South America. But by the time I'd thought to put it on all your stuff had already been either impounded or sold. Although I probably couldn't have afforded it back then anyway to be honest. It only came back up for sale a few months ago. It needed some work and had to be shipped here but I've had it about a month now.'

When he had opened the puzzle box to find a set of familiar car keys his heart had stopped. They, too, had been wrapped in bubble wrap, hence no noise when he shook the box. Alongside the keys was Cho's telephone number. As soon as he called him, Cho told him Wylie owed him $50 for guessing Jane would have opened the box before 11am. He had collected Jane to bring him to his beloved car.

'This is too much, Lisbon' Jane said, raw emotion in his tone. 'You can't afford this.'

'You want me to take it back?' she said, smiling.

'No but I want to pay for it.'

'No chance. What was it you said about Christmas? About it being about giving presents and seeing the faces of those you love light up?' She moved closer to him, encircling him in a hug. He stiffened a little, looking at Emma who was playing with a friend not far away.

'Remember Emma's here, Teresa' he whispered in her ear.

'Well my daughter just gave me some advice not ten minutes ago, Patrick. So don't worry.'

She put his fingers to the nape of his neck and reached up and kissed him.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 - Reservations

It was two days before their night away together and Lisbon sat at her desk, quietly panicking. It helped that Jane was out of town on a case with Cho or he would have grilled her or made them cancel their night away together if he saw her like this.

Annie had come by at lunchtime and insisted on taking her shopping for nightwear for the overnight stay. Lisbon was so freaked out she had agreed to the emerald coloured long chemise made out of satin that Annie had picked out. She hadn't tried it on but catching a glance of it in her bag she wondered if it would even cover her breasts. She shook her head. Jane had better appreciate the effort.

On the day of the trip itself they had left work at four. Everyone in the office seemed to know about this rendezvous. One of her team even gave her the thumbs up sign as she was leaving. She would make sure he was on dumpster duty for the foreseeable future. Jane smiled widely, the looks the team were giving them like water off a duck's back.

As they got to the elevator she glared at him, 'Did you blab about this?'

'Of course not, what do you take me for?'

She rolled her eyes. 'I don't think I should answer that if we intend this to be a romantic getaway.'

Jane smiled beside her as the elevator rode down. 'Look, these people are trained FBI agents. People know we're together, as much as you've tried to cover that fact up. They're not stupid. We're both having a night off together and we're leaving early for a change. Plus you brought your overnight bag into work. Also, you've blushed every time you've looked at me today. If anyone gave anything away, it was you.'

Lisbon sighed but he continued on. 'In fact, perhaps the reason you did those things, even on a subconscious level, means you want people to know about us.'

'God, you're a jackass' she muttered under her breath.

'I love you too, my dear' he replied, cheerfully.

* * *

><p>Jane drove to the cabin, humming merrily as he drove his car again. Lisbon sat beside him, beginning to unwind as she saw him so happy and relaxed. Surely he had to be nervous about this too, even a little bit. It was a big step in their relationship. She breathed deeply, trying to calm down.<p>

'You okay?' he said, glancing over at her.

She plastered on a smile. 'Of course.'

He nodded slowly before looking back at the road. She was waiting for him to say something about her lying but he continued driving.

They got the keys and parked up outside. It truly was a beautiful view, although daylight was closing in fast and it was freezing cold. A lake lay just around the corner and mountains to the back. As they made their way inside the coldness hit them.

'What the hell!' Lisbon said, shivering. 'There's supposed to be heating, surely?'

Jane shrugged. 'Not to worry.' He pointed to a massive fireplace in the middle of the room. 'It'll be toasty once we light this.'

Lisbon found the heating switch and turned it on. It would take a little while for it to warm up. She got the groceries they had taken with them and started to peel vegetables with her coat still on while Jane set the fire. She watched him avidly as he did it quickly.

'I didn't know you could do that. Were you a boy scout or something?' she laughed.

'No but I used to dress up like one' he smiled back. 'I lived in the carnie circuit; a fire at night was the only way to stay warm sometimes. We didn't have any of your fancy central heating.'

He got up from the hearth, the fire beginning to draw. There were plenty of logs beside it to keep it going all night. Their bags sat in the corner of the living room.

'Shall I take these to the bedroom?' he asked.

Lisbon caught a breath, dropping a carrot. 'Yeah, sure thing' she replied, smiling.

She saw Jane study her reaction again. She knew he knew something was up but again he said nothing but took the bags and headed into the bedroom.

'There's a fireplace in here too' he shouted to her excitedly. 'I'll light it up as well and put a fireguard on. It'll be nice and warm when we go to bed later.'

Lisbon breathed heavily at those words. She had to do this. Dear god, she _really_ wanted to do this. She knew she was being ridiculous and she thought by coming here she would relax more in this romantic setting but she was getting worse instead.

She hadn't heard him come back into the room. She turned around to wash the potatoes when she saw him watching her as he leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen door. She dropped a potato in surprise.

'Jesus, Jane, I'm going to have to buy you a new pair of shoes. Those damn brown ones are too soft for me to hear you coming.'

He picked up the potato but held it in his hand until she looked up at him.

'What?' she said, grabbing it and washing it with the others.

He put an arm around her shoulder and kissed her head. 'Will you stop thinking about later on? Let's just have a nice dinner, okay? I promise I'm not going to jump you until at least after that, so you can relax a while.'

She let her shoulders droop. 'I'm sorry. I'm...nervous. It's a big step.'

He turned her around to him and looked in her eyes. 'You think I'm not nervous? Jesus, Teresa, I don't know what expectations you might have of me. This has been a long time coming. It's a lot of pressure, especially for a man, to try to live up to whatever fantasies we may have had over the years.'

She sighed and smiled. 'Thank god for that, I thought it was just me.'

'Of course not. But let's not worry about what will or won't happen later on. Let's get dinner ready.'

* * *

><p>Lisbon relaxed more over dinner as they chatted about the everyday things they always did. She had phoned home and said goodnight to Emma, emitting a sigh as she hung up but smiling.<p>

Jane refilled her wine glass. 'We can go back, you know, if you don't want to be away from her.'

'No, of course not. She's more than happy with Annie, she'll spoil her rotten.'

Jane walked over to the couch in front of the fire, patting the cushion beside him. Lisbon sat down, biting her lip, sitting on the far end of the sofa away from him.

'She's really okay with us?' Jane asked.

Lisbon nodded, turning around and putting her feet under her. 'Yeah, she seems to be, right?'

Jane shrugged. 'Yeah, she does. You've done a great job with her, Lisbon. You and Marcus both. She's a happy little girl.'

Lisbon smiled. 'Thanks. I daresay we might have some problems down the line as she gets older but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Let's enjoy the harmony for now, huh?'

Jane nodded. They both watched the fire for a few moments before Jane spoke again.

'Teresa, please tell me what's wrong.'

'Nothing.'

Jane sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 'We both know that's not the case' he said quietly.

'There's nothing wrong, Jane. Let's go to bed.'

She got off the couch and made her way to the bedroom. Jane sighed again and followed her. She sat at the dressing room table and removed her wedding and engagement rings.

'Teresa, you don't have to take those off.'

'I know, but I want to. Even just for tonight, okay?'

He nodded. 'I'll get changed in the bathroom.'

When he came out he saw her lick her lips quickly and her pupils dilate at the sight of him in his boxer shorts and a while T shirt. He smiled and raised his eyebrows, gaining a blush from her cheeks.

'You take the right side, right?' he said, getting into the left side.

'Yeah...Hang on, how did you know that?'

He grinned back at her, his hands crossed behind his head.

She shook her head and smiled. 'I'll get changed then, I guess.'

She went into the bathroom with her bag. The smile fell from Jane's face. This wasn't what this night was supposed to be like. She looked like she was dreading sleeping with him, not excited by the prospect.

She came out a few minutes later wearing a full length satin nightgown. Her breasts were barely encased in lace. He opened his mouth in admiration before he saw her discomfort. Women were supposed to wear outfits like that to make them feel more confident, not less so, surely, he thought to himself.

'Wow, you look incredible' he said, hoping the compliment would help her confidence but also meaning every word.

She blushed, 'Thanks'. She still stood at the end of the bed.

'You hate it' Jane smiled.

Lisbon shrugged, her face in an adorable pout that raised Jane's blood pressure. 'Annie made me buy it. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm afraid to move in case my breasts fall out.'

Jane chuckled lightly and grinned, eliciting a smile from her too. 'Come here' he said, 'Let's test your theory' he laughed.

She rolled her eyes and walked the few steps to stand in front of him. 'Shame' he said, noticing her breasts were still in the nightgown.

She laughed softly and put her hand through her hair.

'Why don't you change?' he said.

She shrugged. 'This is supposed to be special.'

Jane reached out and took her hand gently. '_If _something does happen tonight it will be special. And _if_ it does then you should be relaxed. Besides, I've always liked that football jersey. Tell me you've brought it.'

'Thank you' she said, leaning down to kiss him. It was a feat of engineering that her breasts didn't topple out. Jane was relieved they didn't or he wouldn't have been such a gentleman by merely kissing her gently back.

When she came back in dressed in her jersey he grinned at her, moving the covers away so she could get into bed.

She lay there for a second, her head on the pillow before turning around to him. 'So, come on, where's this grand seduction, Romeo?'

He propped himself up on an elbow and ran a finger over the top of her hair and gazed into her eyes. 'Unless you tell me what's the matter there won't be any grand seduction tonight, Teresa.'

She sighed but moved closer into his body. The heat coming from her made him regret the fire he had lit in the bedroom. He pulled his arms around her, her face on his chest as he stroked her back in small circles.

She closed her eyes and exhaled. 'Melanie's beautiful, isn't she?' Lisbon said quietly.

Jane stopped his fingers on her back. He wasn't expecting his ex to be mentioned this evening. They both had barely mentioned her since they split up. 'Um, yes, she is, I guess.'

Lisbon nodded against his chest. He moved and brought her chin up to look at him. 'Teresa, is that what this is about? You're feeling insecure?'

She sat up, her knees in front of her, not looking at him. 'She could have been a model if she hadn't joined the FBI I would imagine. She's younger than me, too.'

Jane closed his eyes briefly before sitting up beside her. 'Teresa, I've told you. She meant...she's not you. She never was. You can't seriously think I'd rather be with her than you.'

Lisbon shook her head. 'I don't think that but...that's what you've been used to. That body of hers.' Her words stumbled out tinged with bitterness and jealousy.

Jane put his arm around her shoulders. 'I'd rather get to know that body of yours' he smiled.

'I don't know why, you'll be disappointed for sure now' she said, her eyes downcast.

Jane couldn't figure this out. Lisbon had never been insecure in her looks, not like this. She had never been one to appreciate her own beauty (a trait that made her even more beautiful in Jane's eyes) but surely she had enough male attention over the years to know she was attractive. Then it suddenly hit him. She had used the word 'now'. She thought he would be disappointed now but wouldn't have been before.

He shook his head and encased her in a huge hug, taking her by surprise. He kissed the top of her head, her cheeks, her mouth. He closed his eyes and hugged her again, relief overwhelming him. 'Thank god' he sighed. 'I was really beginning to think it was something terrible.'

He took her head in his hands and kissed her deeply. 'You really think I'm that superficial, Teresa? You really think they would matter to me? I love you, you stupid woman, you think the fact you have some stretch marks is going to change that?'

Lisbon blushed and shrugged. 'No. Not really. I know I was being stupid but the more I thought of being naked in front of you-'

Jane stopped her talking by kissing her with all his heart.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, last chapter up next. Thanks again for all your lovely comments.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Okay, folks, here's the last chapter. Think a lot of you are waiting for this one. There's quite a bit of M rated material in this but it's an extra long chapter for those who blush easily and want to skip it. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 17 – Consummation<p>

Jane released his lips on Lisbon's. 'You didn't really think it would matter, did you?'

Lisbon shook her head. 'Not really. I mean no, of course I didn't when I was thinking straight.'

Jane smiled at her. 'You know I was married with a child myself once, Teresa. It's not the first time I've seen them.'

Lisbon nodded. 'I know and I told myself that too. That you wouldn't care. But that was your child, I don't know. Somewhere in my head I thought that would make a difference.'

Jane nodded. 'Can I say something to you that you've told me numerous times over the years?'

Lisbon looked at him suspiciously. Since when did he ask permission to ask a question? 'Um...okay.'

Jane cleared his throat before pronouncing grandly, 'You, Teresa Lisbon, are an idiot.' He lay back on the bed afterwards, a wide smile on his face. 'You have no idea how good it feels to say that to you for a change.'

Lisbon rolled her eyes but smiled back, relief flooding her body.

She lay back with her head on his chest. 'I knew I was being foolish but I kept on getting the picture of you and Melanie in my head, the two of you looked like two GQ models together.'

Jane chortled against her. 'You think I have another career I could get into if Abbott finally loses his patience with me?'

'Yeah, you can laugh but you know damn well how good looking you are. Practically every woman you meet flirts with you.'

Jane blushed and shrugged. 'I might be aesthetically pleasing to some people at first glance but I carry around a truckload of baggage, I think one more than counteracts the other. And you're the only person who knows who I really am. The only person I can be myself with. And I'd like to think you're interested in more than my looks at this stage.'

'Well of course I am.'

'Exactly my point.'

'Can I see them?' Jane asked quietly after a moment, his arm around her shoulder.

He felt her body stiffen immediately so he added, 'Okay, how about you see my scar first? You can see I'm not quite the perfect specimen you think I am. Although, as I lie on a couch for a living I'm surprised you would think that in the first place.'

She looked up at him. 'You have a scar? Where?'

Jane removed his arm from her shoulder and took off his T shirt. At the sight of his bronzed skin Lisbon's eyes weren't immediately attracted to the long scar on his right side, just below his chest. Her mind immediately thought of kissing every patch of it instead. She peered at the scar, touching it gently.

'How did you get it?' Lisbon asked.

'Knife fight when I was five' Jane replied seriously.

Lisbon gasped and looked up at him to see him grinning. She swatted him on the arm. 'Jesus, I believed you there for a second.'

Jane chortled. 'Surgery when I was a baby. It's called pyloric stenosis. It's from an operation to remove a stomach blockage. Lucky my mother was still around at the time. My father would have probably just let me die.'

Lisbon stared at him. 'I had no idea.'

'Why would you? You know I often wonder if that's why I hate hospitals. I don't remember it obviously but maybe my subconscious does. So, you want to finish with me now that you know I'm not perfect?'

Lisbon raised her eyebrows. 'One thing I never thought about you was that you were perfect.'

Jane shrugged. 'So, as they say, I've showed you mine...'

Lisbon sighed and nodded. She lay down on the bed and went to pull her nightshirt up. Jane stilled her hand. 'Can I do it?'

Lisbon shrugged. 'Okay.'

As he put his hand on the material he said, 'You sure?'

Lisbon nodded.

He moved the nightshirt up slowly, the marks visible on her stomach. He smiled down at them, his fingers gracefully moving across them. 'Do you have them anywhere else?' he asked softly.

Lisbon shook her head, even his gentle touch beginning to arouse her. 'No, just there.'

Jane nodded. 'Angela had them on her breasts and thighs too.'

Lisbon lay there as he moved his fingers over them. He bent over and kissed them lightly, his tongue licking the ridges on her skin. Lisbon closed her eyes as his lips trailed them. He stopped and pulled his mouth up to hers. 'You're beautiful, inside and out.' His words came out like a statement and not a way of seducing her or charming her.

Tears welled in her eyes at the sincerity of his tone. He smiled softly at her, kissing her gently, his hand cupping her face.

Lisbon immediately put her hand through his hair, pulling him closer. They kissed languidly, Jane's hand tracing its way back down to the marks and touching them as they deepened the kiss.

**M rated territory from now on for a while, I'll let you know when it's over.**

He moved his hand back up slowly under her jersey, his fingers caressing the underside of her breast before cupping it gently. He rubbed his thumb over the nipple in soft strokes. Lisbon's breath hitched and she kissed him deeper, her tongue easing its way into his mouth. Jane moaned as she traced her fingers over his back, her nails grazing it delicately. Jane moved his leg across hers, his erection brushing her thigh as they continued kissing as each touch of their lips made them forget everything else apart from being in this moment. Jane moved his lips to her neck, kissing her pulse point as she rifled through his hair, her fingertips brushing over the soft curls.

He moved to look at her, her eyes dark with pleasure and passion, surely a reflection of his own. 'The jersey?' he asked. Lisbon moved up on the bed and removed it immediately. Jane's eyes fastened on her breasts and his eyes blinked for a few seconds.

His gaze was only broken by the sound of Lisbon clearing her throat. 'If all you're going to do is look at them, no wonder this is going to take all night.' He looked back to her face, a smirk on it and her eyebrows raised.

He grinned back, kissing her smile. 'Sorry, lie back down' he said softly but with a slight laugh still in his voice.

She was still smiling too as she laid her head back on the pillow. For a few moments passion had been replaced by humour. This is how it should be, Jane thought. Lovemaking shouldn't always be about bringing someone to the heights of ecstasy through a long process of seduction. Or a quick hard bout of ferocious sex. Those things had their place, yes and he intended on Lisbon having both sensations before the night was over. But this is what he had been missing for so long. The humour that only accompanied making love with someone you fully trusted and who knew you inside out.

He traced his fingers across her face, tears welling in his eyes.

'What's the matter?' she asked quietly. 'Are you okay?'

He nodded, 'Never better. Sorry, it's just a little emotional that we're finally here.'

She nodded, cupping his cheek and moving up to kiss him gently. 'I know. I feel the same. Now...let's get a move on, shall we?'

That made Jane smile again. 'You really have no patience, do you, woman?'

Lisbon looked like she was pondering the question for a second and then said, 'Nope.' She moved off her pillow to push Jane onto his, her kisses raining down on his chest that took his breath away. He laughed after a few moments as she continued this assault. 'You really like being the boss, don't you?'

Her eyes darted back to him, full of mischief and desire. 'You always said you liked it when I got authoritarian with you.'

He laughed again, only stopping when her mouth came closer to the top of his boxers. He centred himself, his biofeedback only just working. She moved back up to kiss him, her tongue rapidly entering his mouth and her hand moving to the inside of his boxers, fondling him. He let out a gasp against her mouth, his body immediately reacting to her. She continued to work him with her hand whilst kissing him passionately. Jane didn't know how long he could control himself at the pace she was going.

'Teresa, slow down, please' he said, panting. 'I...I won't last much longer.'

She giggled into his shoulder as she nuzzled it, her hand moving even faster. She was evidently enjoying the normally in control Patrick Jane rapidly approaching his breaking point. With every ounce of what little strength he had left he moved one of his hands down her body, moving her up slightly with his other so he could access her panties. He put his fingertips inside them and felt her hand still on him.

She looked up at him, 'You son of a bitch' she said, half angry and half aroused.

He grinned back, moving one finger inside her slowly, making her take a sharp intake of breath. 'You know I don't play fair, Teresa.'

Suddenly she was flipped back over to her side of the bed, her hand still around him but he had enough room to pull her panties down a little before inserting his finger again. She was gloriously wet and he almost lost it at that point himself. He began to work her, knowing it wouldn't take much for her to lose all restraint. But she hadn't given up herself and the two of them vied for control as they fondled each other for a few moments. It was Lisbon who came first, her hand grabbing on to him tighter and making the eyes in his head roll back. He panted, breathing deeply as she clung on to him, her body writhing in pleasure. She released her hold on him at last, puffing out small breaths.

After a few minutes with a renewed energy she pulled his boxers off him quickly along with her own panties that had only made it to the top of her thighs.

She looked at him and shook her head. 'What am I going to do with you?' She said it like she had said it to him a thousand times when he had followed through on some cockamamie plan, no seductiveness in her tone.

Jane grinned back at her. 'At this point, whatever you like.'

She smiled back and bit her lip. 'You might regret saying that, Patrick.'

She moved herself on top of him, his penis at the entrance to her vagina. He put his hand around it to steer it as she placed hers on it and they looked at each other. All humour had left them, only a shared intensity of a long unfilled yearning for each other occupying their minds. They didn't discuss condoms or if she was on the pill (although Jane knew she was). They both knew that there would be no barriers between them when this happened. In fact, they didn't speak at all. He blinked rapidly and licked his lips as he watched her move herself gently on top of him. He was rock hard and she took him into her slowly. Both their heads fell back and they closed their eyes before looking back at each other once he was fully inside her. He put his hands on her hips and swallowed, nodding to let her know he was in control of himself for her to begin to move. She started slowly as they continued to gaze at each other. He saw her face express what he was feeling. This was really happening between them, it wasn't a dream or a fantasy. That they wouldn't wake up from this. Her lips curled into a smile that he reciprocated. She moved faster and faster and he gripped her hips, moving himself up to kiss her breasts and hold her around the waist. They continued, a steady rhythm established between them, her arms now draped over his shoulders as they kissed deeply, their tongues replaying the thrusting that was taking place between them. Jane tried to remain in control but with each thrust he was getting closer to the edge. He had wanted this to be slow and steady, to take all night to get to know each part of her body from head to toe but his body was betraying him. It wanted her right at this moment; it didn't want to wait any longer. His mind and body continued this fight between them when he heard her speak. 'Just let go. I love you, Patrick.' The same words he had said to her made him look at her. He panted, 'No. It's too soon. I can hold on for another while.'

She smiled sweetly at him, the sight of her dimples making his legs go weak. 'I don't want you to. Show me how much you want me.'

He stopped moving for a second, trying to read her expression. Then he realised, this is what she wanted to see. She wanted to see him without any facade or pretence, a truly honest moment. He brushed a hair from her face and kissed her lips gently. Then he quickly turned them around in the bed so she was on her back. He thrusted fully, moving himself inside her so he knew she would reach orgasm as well. As she began to pant louder and he could feel the beginnings of her contractions around him he released himself into her with a loud moan, followed by a soft moan from her. He opened his eyes, his breaths still coming in small bursts to find her watching him, a soft smile on her lips.

He smiled back, still inside her as he brought her into his arms.

'So much for my grand seduction' Jane said, his arms around her and nuzzling her hair.

Lisbon moved up to kiss him softly. 'I'm not complaining, are you?'

'Nope' he replied, smiling.

'Besides, let's sleep for a while, we still have plenty of time.'

Jane kissed her, 'Good idea, we do. And when we do this again, don't rush me.'

* * *

><p>After a couple of hours sleep Lisbon woke up to light kisses being placed on her toes. She opened her eyes to see Jane kneeling at the foot of the bed, the fire behind him still blazing. She realised he must have topped it up with wood when she was asleep. It gave his bronzed skin an orange glow. 'You don't have a foot fetish, do you?' she smiled.<p>

He grinned back. 'Awake I see, about time too. And no, Lisbon, I don't. I'm just making sure I kiss every part of you before this night is over. I have a room in my memory palace already mapped out for just such a purpose. It's been gathering dust over the years. Now, kindly be quiet and let me concentrate.'

She widened her eyes to him but laughed, eliciting a laugh back. So she let him continue, closing her eyes to the sensations on her skin as he moved his mouth up her body. It was hardly a hardship to have an extraordinarily handsome and intelligent man decide to kiss every patch of her. After ten minutes he had barely made it to her knees, so dense was his concentration in ensuring no part of her was missed. She sighed happily as he continued. When his lips made it to her vagina he put his hands on her ass and lifted her slightly off the bed, his tongue darting inside and teasing her into another orgasm. But he didn't let her recuperate for long, his lips on her stomach again, kissing her stretch marks and sticking his tongue into her belly button. He was gauging her body's reaction to each kiss, memorising the parts of her body where he felt her become more aroused. He would have an entire map of her erogenous zones before the night was out. This was his research, a way of getting to know exactly how to turn her on. With Emma and their work they wouldn't have much time for long nights to spend making love very often so he wanted to find the ways to ensure she orgasmed every time they did, no matter how short on time they might be in the future. After an hour and another orgasm, Jesus that was four now she said to herself, she was barely able to respond never mind speak when he asked her to turn over. She did so, her mind and body a blur of overstimulation. He began again, kissing her shoulders, her back, grinning as she let out a sigh of passion as he kissed the spot in the bottom of her back where he always placed his hand when he walked with her. He knew that sigh was for him and for him alone. His erection was hurting him now, he shook his head in thinking he could have done this the first time. He would have barely made it to her thighs. 'Teresa?' he said, kissing her ass.

'Mmm?' she replied, sounding like she was in a trance.

'Can you lift yourself onto your elbows? That is, if you want me to...I mean I'd like to...' He shook his head again, this foreplay had turned him into a gibbering idiot.

He heard her giggle at his loss for words but she propped herself up and grinned over her shoulder at him. 'Thank god, I thought it was going to be sunrise before you got around to it again.'

He smiled back, pushing himself inside of her again, both of them moaning in pleasure. They lasted a little longer this time but not much. Jane would have to train his biofeedback to become more immune to the reaction she instilled in him but at this moment in time he couldn't care less. They collapsed together. 'I haven't done the backs of your legs' he sighed.

She laughed at him. 'Leave something for another day, I'm pretty sure you've found plenty of ways to turn me on by now to keep you going for a while.'

He bit his lip. 'You guessed that was what I was doing?'

'Of course. You're the nosiest person I know. You wouldn't be happy with doing what normal people do and just rely on the usual spots, you want to know everything that flicks my switch, as you put it once. You realise though that now I'll have to carry out my own research. If we don't have time before then I take charge on Valentine's night, I'll get Annie to babysit again, agreed?'

Jane grinned. 'It's a date.'

**Phew, okay, M rated section over. **

* * *

><p>The smell of coffee woke Lisbon the next time. The fire in the bedroom had gone out and she put her hand on the pillow beside her, finding it warm but empty. Glimmers of sunlight were coming through the window. She used the bathroom and threw on a long woollen jumper she had brought with her. As she walked into the kitchen Jane was making eggs and humming merrily, dressed in a pair of jeans and a black jumper, his hair still tousled from sleep.<p>

'Good morning, did you sleep at all?' she asked, leaning on the doorframe.

He turned around and gave her a dazzling smile. 'It certainly is' he replied, ignoring her question and handing her a cup of coffee then kissing her quickly on the lips.

She closed her eyes and took a long sip. When she opened them Jane's eyesbrows were raised in a question.

'What?' she smiled.

'I'm beginning to wonder what you love more, me or coffee.'

She shook her head. 'Don't make that an ultimatum. You would only lose, my dear.'

He grinned at the use of his phrase, dishing out breakfast.

As they finished Jane took her hand. 'Come on let's go outside.'

'it's freezing out there, are you kidding?'

'I thought you were from Chicago, are you telling me you're not tough enough, Lisbon? Come on, sun's almost up. Let's watch it together.'

She rolled her eyes but put on her boots, her legs still bare. He looked at her appreciatively, thoughts of making love to her in that jumper and those boots coming instantly to mind.

'If we're going, come on' she said, a smirk on her lips knowing exactly where his mind was just at.

They walked out to watch the sunrise, Jane's arms wrapped around her waist and his head on her shoulder.

She spoke quietly as they watched the sun rise. 'I'm sorry' she said.

Jane peered at her. 'What on earth for?'

She leaned back against him. 'When you came back from South America I did keep you at a distance. I guess I resented you for leaving the way you did. I was afraid of you hurting me again so it was a way of keeping you away. Then I wanted you to tell me how you felt about me but I did nothing to encourage you that I still felt the way I did at CBI. It was easier to put it all on you. For it to be your fault that you didn't come clean. I should have been more honest with you too.'

Jane kissed her neck. 'None of it matters, Teresa. Not anymore. I shouldn't have been such a coward. But...in a way I'm glad I was.'

She turned to look at him. 'You are? Why?'

He shrugged, holding her close. 'Emma wouldn't be here if you hadn't gone to D.C. She makes it all worthwhile.'

'She may have been yours if I hadn't.'

Jane bit his lip. 'I've thought about that. If we had got together instead of you and Marcus.' He looked into the distance. 'I don't know if I'd have wanted you to have a child with me, Teresa. I don't know if I'd been able to give you that at that time. And...knowing you, you would most likely have accepted that decision and decided I was enough.'

She nodded against him. She could certainly understand his reluctance to have another child. 'I don't know. I may have put up a fight with you about it.'

He looked at her again. 'Perhaps and perhaps I would have given in. And if I could have had a glance into the future to see what I could have had then I daresay it would have been different...but at that stage I don't know if I was ready for that step.'

'You do love Emma, though.'

'Of course I do. She's part of you, how could I not? And even better she doesn't have any of those troublesome Jane genes inside her.' He smiled softly at her. 'I hope to be a great stepfather to her, though, when you're ready. When you both are to take me on full time.'

Lisbon smiled at him. 'You sure about that? Us Lisbon women are hard work too.'

Jane pulled her against him, kissing the top of her head. 'You know I love nothing more than a challenge, Lisbon.'

- THE END -

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I believe the scar on Simon Baker's body is from the condition I've mentioned here (at least that's what I've read).  
><strong>**

**Anyway, a huge thank you to all of you who saw this through to the end despite the auspicious start that had people leaving in droves. I massively appreciate all the lovely comments for me to continue writing this and hope I have left you with a satisfactory ending. Thanks to Elc41 who inspired me to write in an apology from Lisbon at the end of this, it was something that hadn't crossed my mind until I read the comment against an earlier chapter.  
><strong>

**I'm hoping to start my next multichapter at the beginning of next week, the premise is that Jane's father comes back into his life and asks for his help (Jane is with Lisbon in this story, it's set around six months post Blue Bird). Hope you'll read, review and enjoy it!**

**P.S. I've been asked by a guest reviewer what a jumper is, it's called a sweater in the US I believe!**


End file.
